Figure of Speech

Hasta La Vista!

2009-12-10T15:03:00.001+08:00

www.readingrosazlin.blogspot.com

Know this: It's moving day!

A New Day Has Come

2009-12-04T11:19:00.000+08:00

I never could imagine what today (or yesterday, rather) would feel like before. The end of A levels had always been so very far away for me. So I indulged on the temporary bliss of each paper ending at time, not getting the full picture that I was one step closer to the end, each day that passed.

But here I stand today, after everything, at the end of the tunnel, where the light is. It is all over. I am free. Finally.

A new chapter begins for me from this brand new day. Stay tune as I'm about to move into a new space.

Know this: There are approximately 550 hair in the eyebrow.

When I Become CEO of a Certain Media Company

2009-11-28T22:24:00.007+08:00

This post has strictly refrained from using specific names to protect the identity of the one being dissed and protect my ass for any law suits of any kind should my blog ever reach an impressive publicity level.
I am here to express my deep-seated abhorrence for a certain judge on a certain local reality show. I really think he is a piece of work. I get so furious everytime his name comes up, so imagine me when I see his face on the television screen. I become this mad woman! He brings out the ugly and bestial side of me, a side that anyone who values his life should stay well clear from.
I'm not necessarily devoted to any contestant on that show, so it's not like I'm being biased. I personally feel that he does not provide any constructive criticisms whatsoever to help these kids improve. Instead he picks on their weaknesses and magnifies them, even when the performance is clearly a good one. He never fails to leave a bad taste in the contestants' mouth, rendering the positive comments by the other judges futile and not worth remembering. His words simply acidify whatever that can potentially help their confidence level, which is crucial to any competition.
His hypocritical comments on how contestants should be true to themselves, but should alter their image so that they will appeal to the audience completely disgust me. Why can't the 'barber look' be the unique image of one of the contestants? It is even more hypocritical that he constantly stresses that this is a "singing competition" and yet focuses on their image, when there are no faults in their singing that he can harshly criticize.
It kills me when people claim that he is the Singaporean version of a renown judge with a certain British accent when he obviously lacks the charm to pull off any of the British's antics. He serves absolutely no purpose at all in this show, except to demoralize the kids. Even if it is to 'toughen them up' for the real world, I don't see the harm in complimenting them for their effort or the fact that they take risks, even though the risks may not pay off, just once. It's not that hard, man. It's not like we're asking you to contort your face into a smile or nothing... We know your limits and won't force you to do the impossible. Nevertheless, there is a world of difference between a comment that goes, "Your singing was pitchy at times, but at least you look great," and a criticism that goes "You may look like a star, but your singing was terrible." Any decent human being, with a functioning heart, can effectively feel the difference once the sentences are uttered. Ouch! to the latter sentence, no? And not to mention his total what-the-hell comments such as "Don't get ahead of yourself because none of the credit goes to you," and "You have done little to justify your place in the Top Five". Excuse you?! You have justified absolutely squat to justify yourself as a judge!
And, the way he mistreats the enthusiastic members of the audience, is completely uncalled for. They are the drivers of the show. They make the show what it is and without their support, there is no show he can judge on. Still, he rudely interrupts their cheers with patronizing comments and a hand gesture that demands their silence. If I were one of the contestants, I don't think I will tolerate such treatments of my family, friends and fans. If they want to cheer, you let them cheer and speak only after they are done.
Above everything, it especially frustrates me that nobody is doing anything about his behaviour. I don't even consider it as entertainment. Fortunately, I'm not sadistic enough to derive joy from watching the sullen faces of the contestants, hearing the hearts of these aspiring singers break into countless pieces. It's not fun. It makes me dislike the show, somehow. If I wanted to see heartbreak and empathise, I would much rather tune in to National Geographic or the Discovery Channel on the abuses of animals or humans in the Third World, where at least I know there is hope for all this cruelty to stop. Somewhere, someone out there is doing something to make all the brutality stop. But on this show, nobody is doing shit. As for me, all I can do is to boycott the show, which constitutes not tuning in at all and not casting my votes. However, that will not do much, clearly. For one, I like to watch the contestants sing, and the host doing his bits. And well, I have never voted. Ever.
So as for now, all I can truly afford is this post and hope that others realise the lack of compassion and courtesy in this particular someone. Let us learn that it is not ok to treat people that way (to think that every decent human being in the entire universe would recognize that by now).
But someday, when I gain enough authority to make a change in this certain media company, my priority assignment is to kick his lily ass out of the show. And that's a promise.
On a completely different topic, I saw Faisal Isa, the latest Idol cast-off, at Woodlands today!

Know this: After eating too much, your hearing is less sharp.

Almost Doesn't Count

2009-11-20T21:13:00.001+08:00

The tailor called my mother this morning announcing that my graduation night gown was ready for collection today. I was ecstatic upon hearing the news that even with the gloomy and dismal atmosphere, which has been the case every single day, I felt like it was still a beautiful day. I was set on coming home after the paper, get ready and then collect my baby. However, that did not happen.
I was so upset about the paper today that I was in no mood to collect the dress. Frankly it wasn't just today's paper, it's just the whole course of this battle, that I seem to be losing. I was tired and I just hated the weather. There was no way I was going to face my dress in this condition. I want to feel good about it. I want it to be a beautiful day, from start to finish. So I will collect it on Sunday. I need to sleep on this heart-wrenching feeling and rejuvenate before I can ever smile again.
There's just something about the dreadful weather these days that amplifies the level of sadness I feel after a bad paper. It's like as if as I try to suppress every tear from falling, for fear that someone might see me and try to console me and create all that hooplah, the sky let's a drop of rain fall on my behalf. Why should one risk embarrassing oneself when the day is doing all the crying for you.
Before today, I had this bad habit of going through the paper that I have already set for and see where I have gone right and wrong. What I could have done, what I should have done. For some reason, for me, I feel better knowing how I fared, regardless the accuracy, then to have the burning question harp on my mind. In other words, I would rather feel shitty about myself, than to be handicapped with curiosity.
But today, as I sit onboard the bus home, I did not extract the question paper from my file. I just rode the bus, contemplating if today would be the day I wear my long-awaited dress. It was as if I had given up. Too depressed. So I just sat there. Defeated. Looking out the window where all the coveted grades are.
I have 12 days before my next paper. I think I need a break. To get back on my feet again and try. I know this isn't the end. I'm almost there. But everyone knows, 'almost' doesn't quite cut it.
All I want is to crawl into a foetal position and sleep. That is the only thing the weather is actually good for- sleeping.
Oh my goodness gracious, just end already...

Everything's going to be ok........Isn't it?

Know this: An elephant can be pregnant for up to 2 years.

This Is It

2009-11-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

I am all geared up to give all I have for the battle on Tuesday. A few more minor touch-ups, a little prayer and I will be on my way.
Note to self: Don't worry, you got this.

So here we go...

Know this: Bluebirds cannot see the color blue.

I've Got 99 Problems But the Bitch Ain't One

2009-10-30T21:38:00.000+08:00

A bizzare day at the library today. But having a bizzare day at the library isn't so bizzare.
Anyway, I'm currently having a dilemma. I know it is suicical to omit certain topics for the big As. But what if you know that you won't attempt that question. I'm talking about the China chapter in my history. I spent one whole day understanding it but I haven't exactly memorised it yet. So should I waste my time memorising it when I know for sure that I will not attempt the China question? If your answer is no (which is my answer too!), then I would have wasted that whole day studying something absolute irrelevant... But then again, if I know I will 100% not do the question, I should not waste anymore time on it. You said it, sister!
Here's another predicament. For 3 of the topics, there are 2 parts to them: the causes and consequences. I've studied the causes portions, but not the consequences parts. Can I leave those out too?! I can't leave so many parts out, you know! It's just that I don't think I want to take in any new information at this point, but muster the ones that I already know.
I have to choose 3 questions out of 5. What if 4 of the questions go like this: 1) China, 2) Consequence, 3) Consequence, 4)Consequence?! I will slit my throat with my plastic ruler and just bleed to death. I don't have much time, you guys.... What should I do?! What should I do?!
Gosh, I'm about to have a panic attack. Breathe in...And out..One more time, in...And out.
And, I freakin' need glasses! I can't see anything beyond 2 meters with clarity that I had taken for granted. Everything's such a blur. And the world is such a scary place when you're all alone and all you see are blurred faces.
Anywho, hope your revision is going swell!

Know this: Koala Bears sleep an average of 22 hours a day, 2 hours more than the sloth. (well, 2 hours less than me after the As.)

You Can See My Heart Beating

2009-10-26T22:04:00.002+08:00

Just as time passes and draws nearer to the 10th, I am scared but at the same time happy. Happy that this is all finally coming to an end. As I read my notes, I can't help but think that that would be the last time I will ever read it ever again. Maybe on the night before I sit for the exam. Still, one of the last times, ever. Then I'm suddenly motivated to read it more intensely. Almost like holding on to something just so it won't slip from your tight grip. Like wanting to make it count before you let it go for good. Kinda like the last 2.4km run. Remember how I was extremely over-joyed that day? Imagine me after the As. And seriously- 3 weeks, a week-break and a day left before this whole thing ends? It is surreal. Everything we have ever worked for this past 2 years, finally boils down to this. And then...freedom. Freedom beyond one's imagination.
Sometimes when I'm out, taking a break from revising, I ask myself 'What are you doing? There'll be a whole lot of going out after. Very soon after.' Yes, my conscience is very vocal. And she is always right. Always. And it so weird to hear of plans in December such as the book fest on the 11-12th. When my sister told me to go with her then, I was like "A' Levels will be sooooooooooo over by then." Of course, the big grin plastered on my face.
Anyway, I just got my Graduation Night dress tailored 2 days ago. I'm uber excited for it! Now I'm just on the hunt for my Prince Charming to take me... In the words of Mariah Carey (Obsessed), "You're delusional, so delusional...." However, it will be quite awesome.
Ok, back to the books. For. One. Last. Time. Somebody pinch me please!

Know this: A quarter of the world’s plants are threatened with extinction by the year 2010.

"I'm so gonna blog about today."

2009-10-15T18:01:00.002+08:00

Today was the Farewell Assembly for the graduating class of 2009. And yes, it was an emotional roller-coaster ride. One moment I was smiling, the next I was choked- up, then I was laughing hysterically (especially during the PE Department's video). After I had a blast with my class at Pastamania (my fave!) for a final outing before...well, you know.
Honestly, I woke up today not knowing what exactly to expect. All I knew was there was going to be speeches, and a lot of the "This will be your last lap"s. But I had not expected to be so very moved by Ms Hon's speech and the videos from the teachers. The teachers often used the analogy of us preparing for battle: A Levels, that is. And in this span of two years, the teachers have been training us and putting us through mock-ups of the battle. During the journey I, personally, have cried my eyes out over failures and rejoiced at my successes I had worked so very hard for and achieved. So here I am today, (almost) fully-equipped with all the ammunitions and armaments that my teachers can ever possibly afford. Now there is nothing else left for them to impart or give, except 'best wishes' and 'good luck'. And so we're off...
I had wished so fervently for today to be the last day of school, forever. When 'farewell' actually meant farewell. But today isn't the end, for at the end I will feel relief. I did not feel relieved today. Because I know that up ahead is the most important thing in the whole universe that I must go through and conquer. Although it scares the hell out of me, there's no turning back. And I know that the faster I trudge through this fifty piles of shit, the faster I will reach the light at the end of this sewage tunnel. So when I do reach the end, and I mean 'the end' the end, I will... just be glad that I've reached the end.
So no, I will not say what I will miss about SA. I will not say what I have lost and what I have gained. Not this time. Not yet. I will not bid farewell because this isn't goodbye. I'll see you at the battle, remember?

The Best Teacher in the Whole Wide World and Beyond, Ms Soh

(Congratulations on your engagement!)

The Most Passionate and Beautiful Teacher in the history of Mankind, Ms Hon

(Congratulations on your engagement, too!)

The One that has stuck by me from Day 1

We are just wayy too cool for school, baby!

Know this: A snail's reproductive organs are in its head.

Up-High

2009-10-03T02:14:00.001+08:00

Still awake at this hour, after shopping with my Mark and my sister. A futile attempt to find the ideal prom dress. I know, I know, the A Levels are approaching fast and the mock papers are coming at us faster, so what the hell am I doing out shopping, right? Seriously, I need a break. A serious break before I can get down to some serious studying, again. The prelims just ended and the results are still being anticipated. It may take longer than I think before I can bury myself into the books again. But not too long I hope.
I wonder if this is what it feels like to be drained out or burned out, or whatever it is they call it. When you can't seem to find an ounce of anything that will make you want to pick up those set of notes or even a pen to write. Like, as if you wished it would end right there and then. Right now. This instance. Flashbacks of the suffering you went through not too long ago are too painful that you feel there is no way in hell you can do that again. Feeling as though you had given everything you have and there is simply no more to offer. No more. But time keeps waiting. For you to give more. But what if there really isn't any more. When every thing you read, your mind goes 'I know this already.' Hence insisting that you stop because it's all in there. But you know that not much can retain for too long, so you keep reading only to have that information rejected with the stamp 'You know this already.' But you don't. Is my sponge saturated? How can my brain not take in any more when I know there's more that I need to take? I can't possibly know it all because my Math assignments are full of blanks and I still can't look at Literature pieces through Ms Soh's eyes.
I feel like I may have given too much for the Prelims. And although the results are better than I have even seen them, I know that it still isn't enough. There is so much more that I need to work on and improve. And I am so afraid that I may not have anymore fuel, or as much fuel to help me kick into high gear again. I know it's still too early to say this because this may just be a phase and I'll be back on my two feet in no time. Maybe. But right now I'm just so extremely exhausted.
I feel like I need a hand. Literally. A large, massive hand that can pull me out of this and put me where I'm supposed to be. There is only one Thing, I know big enough that can do this for me. And He will give me a high-five when it's all over and done with.

Know this: Every hour the Universe expands by a billion miles in all directions.

You

2009-10-01T19:45:00.002+08:00

Know this: Every year over one million earthquakes shake the Earth. (And I experienced a minor tremor in school today!)

Chance(S)

2009-09-30T15:42:00.002+08:00

I blew it.

But I can't seem to let go.

Know this: Do not inhale helium because it displaces oxygen necessary for life and can cause headaches, dizziness, labored breathing, and eventual unconsciousness.

On The First Day of Raya, My True Love Gave To Me...

2009-09-26T02:21:00.005+08:00

One whole day with my whole family, a special day it was indeed.
Most of my cousins are much younger than me so I can always expect the atmosphere to be a lively, albeit kecoh one, when we all get together. Oddly, it doesn't make me feel more matured. I tend to take advantage of the opportunities to spend time with them and be child-like too. It's just more fun.
My family decided to go golden this year. I thought it was highly original, but I came to realise that we were not the only ones clad in gold that day. Nevertheless, we still turned heads (but that could simply be because of other reasons, but I choose to believe the aforementioned). By the way, I usually decide on the colour for my family, being the shopping Queen in my family. I supposedly know what I'm talking about when it comes to fashion and trends, and what's 'in' and what's 'out'. But really, it simply depends on my mood. Still, I intend to hold on to this authority for as long as I live.
Also, on that particular day, at a particular hour (or 3), my heart cleared up some space. There is still some clearing up to do, but one day that space will be completely empty for someone more worthy to fill.
Anyway, I cannot wait for Raya to come again. I'm already thinking of the colour for next year. I'm thinking purple...Or, white? Famz, what say you?

And this is my family...

Wishing you

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfirtri

Maaf Zahir & Batin

Have a good one!

Know this: A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.

It's Amazing How You Can Speak Right to My Heart

2009-09-17T20:54:00.003+08:00

William: Whoopsidaisies!

Anna Scott: What did you say?

William: Nothing.

Anna Scott: Yes you did.

William: No I didn't.

Anna Scott: You said "whoopsidaisies".

William: I don't think so. No one says "whoopsidaisies" do they? Unless they're...

Anna Scott: There is no "unless." No one has said "whoopsidaisies" for fifty years and even then it was only little girls with blonde ringlets.

William: Exactly. Here we go again. [He falls off the fence again]

William: Whoopsidaisies. It's a disease I've got. It's a clinical thing. I'm taking pills and having injections. It won't last long.

Notting Hill is one of my favourite romantic movies of all time. I recently watched it on HBO, only recently. I totally underestimated it. I think I have a thing for Hugh Grant. Because this is the second romantic movie I have ever been in love with. The first being Love Actually, which stars him too. I know, I know, Islam fundamentalists will frown on me because the latter movie is based on Christmas. But it is just so lomantik, lah.
Just thought that was worth mentioning. Anyway, today is one of the best days of my life. Prelims just ended, raya is in 3 days, Project Runway's later at 10pm and mummy dearest bought me a Magnum Chocolate ice cream since Monday, and I have decided to save it for a special occasion. And that special occasion has arrived, baby! Tomorrow my family and I are going shopping. Finally a guilt-free day out with the Famz. I really think I deserve this one because of all the hair-tearing ordeal I went through revising for Prelims. There were literally instances, especially during my revision for History, when I really felt so nauseous and my heart started beating so fast because I was so stressed out and scared. Well, you know, not only good things have to come to an end...
And for the J1s who have to go through your Promos during Hari Raya, hang in there, friends! It will be over before you know it. It's all about time-organization and sacrificing your leisure time, for this one difficult period in the year. Just this one. And no, first day of raya is not worth sacrificing. Remember that you guys have each other to depend on, so be there for one another. Be in it together. Wishing you guys and gals the best of luck!
I am super psyched for Raya, man! Can't wait.

Know this: Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. (This is a scientific fact, fyi.)

Are You Crazy-Insane, Or Insane-Crazy?

2009-09-08T00:03:00.002+08:00

An awfully lazy day today. For some reason. Just one thing leading to another, and before I knew it, it was already 10pm and I have not revised one single shit. I felt guilty for awhile, then I thought about the revision I have done so far and those that I have planned for this week. If my calculation does not fail me, I have a little time to spare. Just a little time I can afford to take a break. Yeah, that will mean a lil more effort the next time I hit the books, to make up for what I could have covered today. Boy am I looking forward to that.
Adopted a 'study smart, rather than a study hard' theory this time round. Not to burn too much midnight oil but to use every other hour of revision wisely and effectively. Quality over quantity, I suppose. Considering there is not much 'quantity' at my current disposal to begin with. I just don't want to burn myself out before the big As, you know. I don't think I'll be productive if I'm dead.
Study sessions at the library have been very fruitful. Able to strike out most of the things on my agenda for that day. Every journey home, I feel so...victorious. So I hope the Prelims turn out well for me. And needless to say the A Levels too.
Anyway, just thought I'd pay this space a visit.
Hope you are having a fantabulous holiday. You should. Oh, nailing a mathematical problem can be quite fun. Successfully drawing a tariff diagram without having to look at the notes can be quite exciting.
Hold up. Me, finding studying fun and exciting? Ok it's official, I am a geek. Save me before I find homework...cool.

Know this: Neutron stars are so dense that a teaspoonful would weigh more than all the people on Earth.

Will You Love Me Again Like You Loved Me Before?

2009-09-03T01:04:00.001+08:00

Status Quo. It's about time, Blogger dear.
A sudden urge to post something tonight (or morning).
Math paper was alright today. Manageable. Then again my expectations for the manageability in Math is rather low. So as long as I don't skip an entire 13-mark question, you can say that it's manageable. I really hope I do well this time. Not only is the result (should it be positive) important to boost me for the big As, but I sincerely do not want to disappoint Jules, my math teacher. Whatever it may be, I shall continue to work hard for this particular subject. Because the truth is, I love math. Ah, another case of unrequited love, it seems.
I find the examinations to be my form of escapism. Which is a good thing since I really don't want the disruptive nature of the things going on in my head to jeopardize what is utmost important right now. No matter what the teachers say, the A levels is crucial, as it determines a major part of the rest of my life.
So pimples may break out, favourite television shows may be missed, beauty sleeps may have to be put on hold. Oh come what may. We shall conquer it all.

" Victory's within the mile

Almost there don't give up now

~ Run This Town Rihanna, Jay-Z, Kanye West

Off the top of my head, I think Farhan from Singapore Idol is really cute. And here are some pictures from the National Day I spent with my extended family. I miss Nannan to death.
Know this: Cherophobia is a fear of fun. (Didn't know there was even such a thing? Well, that makes it the two of us.)

Who's Keeping Scores?

2009-08-29T23:55:00.001+08:00

Examination-Heartache Update:

Prelims- 1
Me -0

Know this: It would have been Michael Jackson's 51st birthday today. Happy Birthday MJ! (PS: I want you back.)

With A Great Big Hug and A Kiss From Me to You

2009-08-29T00:16:00.005+08:00

To me, you are the cutest baby alive! (This one is for Abdul Hannan, my 5 year old cousin.)
If I could switch bodies, it would be with yours. (This one is for Rihanna.)
Despite beating up my Idol, I am still a fan of yours. (This one is for Chris Brown.)
I love your cooking, eventhough I don't say it often. (This one is for Mummy Dearest.)
I know I got my 'funny' from you. (This one is for my father.)
I have always liked you. (This one is for that boy I secretly adore.)
I really want to bring back good news for you next year. (This one is for Ms Soh.)
I may not know soccer, but I tune in sometimes just for you. (This one is for Christiano Ronaldo.)
I look forward to you everyday after school. (This one is for the sitcom Friends.)
You are the most adorable old man, ever! (This one is for the Apek who sells newspapers at the Bishan bus-interchange and looks like a baby.)
I cannot imagine you in any other colour but purple. (This one is for Barney.)

I decided to be extra clear in who I am referring to in my post. It seems that some people are taking it upon themselves to make an ass out of you and me. Suddenly, it is all about them. Are you freaking kiddin' me?
There's so much more going on in my life than what is happening between us. Honey, your temper may flare but you just ain't hot enough to be the sun the Earth revolves around.
So I hope this particular post comes in crystal clear to you, the previous 2 posts were NOT intended for you. This, on the other hand, is specially for you. Then again, you probably already think that it is.

...Won't You Say You Love....Me.....Too....?

Know this: The “WALK” lights on Japanese street corners make a chirping sound so that the blind can know when to cross the street. (Eh, we have those in Singapore too!)

You Couldn't Tell Me To My Face

2009-08-21T14:35:00.001+08:00

It has come to my attention that just as I am facing a predicament, you are facing a predicament with equal enormity as mine. Similarly, as my problem has very much to do with you (and the others, but mainly you), your problem has very much to do with me too. I see everything and I'm a fervent believer of the theory 'it takes one to know one'. So you may not be aware that I see right through you.
I didn't like the things you said and shared. It crushes me to have to listen and see. I understand your intention. Not a fan of it, but I get it. But my restless mind harps on the question- why?
I know we are never supposed to give up. But in this case, throwing in the towel is necessary. Along with that towel, I am throwing away all the anger, frustration and bitterness derived from this long-drawn predicament of mine. I don't want to be angry at you. It isn't a nice feeling to harbour. It burdens me and I end up feeling depressed.
It has been a struggle going back and forth, but now I've finally decided. I'll make this easier for you (because you certainly haven't and aren't going to make it easier for me). With my problem solved, that is the solution to yours.
For all that I am letting go, I really hope someone (or perhaps 2 people) will get out of this, happy. I, on the other hand, will be just fine.

Know this: Yahoo!- The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book ‘Gulliver’s Travels’. It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance and action and is barely human.

I Loved You All The Way, Until Yesterday

2009-08-16T01:03:00.001+08:00

I've let go of all hope I've had for you to come around. It was easier than I thought. So easy, that it makes me feel uneasy. This time, I'm not turning back. Literally. Paying a little more attention than I usually do helps me figure out the things I want in life, and the things I don't want nor need. I seemed so sure before, when everything was in fragments. When I piece them altogether, take a gigantic step back and see the bigger picture, I came to a realisation that this does not have to be it.
An unfinished puzzle with missing pieces I thought were with you. To borrow a hackneyed phrase, you do not complete me.

I'm not crazy over you, anymore.

Know this: A red-haired man is more likely to go bald than anyone else.

I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me and You)

2009-08-08T21:00:00.000+08:00

The best,
Way to make it through,
With hearts and wrists intact
Is to realize,
Two out of three ain't bad.
Ain't bad.

~Fall Out Boy

See you at the end.

Know this:The "nine lives" attributed to cats is probably due to their having nine primary whiskers.

Show Me Love

2009-08-02T20:13:00.000+08:00

Excuse the weird font and everything else out of the ordinary. There is something really wrong with blogger.
For a perfectionist like me to ignore the order and system of my usual postings, I must have something excruciatingly important to share. Yes, I do.
I took a big step that day and I remember it all. It was a video captured on my mind that I can replay again and again in my head. For some reason, I figured it was worth capturing. I can't really explain it though. I'm not exactly in control of these situations, but I'm not exactly helpless either. Like on a loose leash. Yeah, it's around me, but I have a certain reasonable radius which allows, or at times, forces me to explore. And I did. I'm glad I did.
It was awkward, but good awkward. I was nervous, but good nervous. After it all, I was happy. Like goofy happy.
I was thinking thoroughly during the interminable intervals of my study session this afternoon about it. About what I want, what I need and what I have. Then it suddenly hit me that life is about trying things out. To take risks. To take steps, small or even big significant ones. Especially when life has been kind enough to lay out the path for you. It can be scary and hard. But anything worth something always deserve the work. And deserves the courage. Courage is not the absence of fear, rather it's the judgment that there is something more important than fear.
You can never get anything for nothing. I know what is to be done. I've always known. But it's about time I actually do it. Make it happen. And I will.

Know this: There are only 18 countries richer than Bill Gates.

Smile

2009-07-18T17:46:00.000+08:00

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like a bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh you make me smile

~ Uncle Kracker

All in good time...

Know this: You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.

If This Isn't Love, Say What Is

2009-07-15T20:50:00.003+08:00

A lady of my words, I am keeping my promise to update about my 4 Truth reunion, 2 months ago. Better late than never, I suppose.
It was a pleasant gathering and I was glad that things were as easy between us as a class, despite the nearly 2 years of estrangement. I was thrilled to see everyone again and see the changes and maturity in them all. Although, in actuality, it was the familiarity and traits of them that had not changed that I had truly miss and wanted to see. I was not disappointed. Their antics and lame jokes used to crack my up everytime, especially during the ordeal that was of the last few months of our secondary 4 lives, when we were vigorously revising for the O Levels. And, not to my surprise, they still crack me up even now.
We opened up about our ups and downs, from hook-ups to break-ups, in the past 2 years and I was quite surprised that some of them were willing to open up to such an extent. Like every class, we had our cliques so things they shared were not necessarily things you would have known if you were not part of this exclusivity. However, that night, nobody belonged to any group, we were all sharing like we were one big fat clique. Strange that the absence had made them more comfortable in opening up about their lives. I suppose they just had so much to tell us, their excitement undermined their ability to be selective to whom they wanted to tell them to. Everyone got to listen, and everyone did, very attentively over a delicious waffle ice-cream at Gelare.
I truly, madly, deeply miss them very much and hope to see all of them again soon.
Now, for the best part- the pictures! Witness my constant smile in every picture, it all looks the same. Well, I was happy to see everybody. Really happy. Presenting my class from 2006-2007...
Know this: A group of unicorns is called a blessing.

The Way You Make Me Feel

2009-07-04T21:10:00.001+08:00

Block Test 2 has been manageable so far, except for Maths, which utterly killed me. I am so discouraged that it is difficult for me to focus on my revision for paper 2 of Maths on Tuesday. Something tells me that it is going to be just as horrendous. Math sucks.
Anyway, not much has happened in the past week, except going in and out of libraries for 7-hour study sessions, all by my damn self. It may get a little lonely sometimes, but man, is it productive! I find myself wanting to check out each and every library around just so I can change things up once Woodlands Library gets boring. Nerd-ified, or what?
Then of course there was the loss of Michael Jackson. I am more sad about his death than I thought I would ever be, especially over a celebrity. His sexy moves, with his fedora on and his charming smile had made me fall in love with him once before, especially in the "In the Closet" music video. And I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one. Now that the world is paying tribute to him by playing all his songs and music videos, I come to realise that I miss him. Long live the King, in all of our hearts.

29/08/1958- 25/06/2009

Know this: Michael Jackson was a vegetarian and his favourite superhero was Morph from the X-Men.

Don't Let 'Em Say You Ain't Beautiful...

2009-06-17T20:21:00.000+08:00

A couple of significant events had occured this June holiday, which I have yet to update about. But not today. There was my secondary school reunion and the CIP at Changi with my track buddies (I had to wake up at 4 in the freaking a.m for that!). But I'll update about that some other time.
I came up with a study plan for the holidays, so I have to stick to it as best as I can, if I intend to finish my revision in time for the Block Test 2. It has been helpful because it reminds me how much I still have to go in my revision and how much time I have left. Urgency and pressure have always helped me study more effectively, unfortunately. Boy, nothing can really explain the immense joy in cancelling off the topics you have covered on that piece of paper. I call it the 'stroke of pure bliss'. I try to keep up with it, really, I promise, but my family keeps having these dinner outings. And a girl's gotta eat! So I tag along and my whole study plan for the day is messed up! I am about 2 days behind in my revision schedule so I really have to start kicking into full gear, man.
But one should not neglect one's responsibilities as a blog-owner. So here I am to tell you that I am still breathing.
Besides, I'd like to think that it is important for me to post about stuff like these because I believe that it is always good to know that you are not the only one struggling and pressing for time. Revision period is always an ordeal, but one can definitely take comfort in knowing that everyone is in the same deep pile of shit as you are. You are not alone, my friends!

Know this: The hardest bone in the human body is the jawbone.

Tell Me

2009-06-08T16:05:00.003+08:00

How could you?

Know this: The most common time for a wake up call is 7 a.m.

Mission Possible

2009-06-05T12:07:00.001+08:00

I would like to thank Mummy Dearest for accompanying me around Singapore yesterday. Thank you for not complaining when we got lost and when I was walking too fast and left you behind (like, way behind). Thank you for listening to me talk, talk and talk about that somebody, for hours. I heart you! And I promise, the minute I get a boyfriend, I will not trouble you to accompany me for things like these again. Unless, you insist of course.
The plan we came up with is perfect. And I will execute it as best as I can. Although my part is rather small, albeit significant, the success of this mission has much to do with other circumstances as well, circumstances beyond my control. But if luck is on my side and life is kind to me (just this once), I'm sure everything will go smoothly and I'll make you proud, Mummy!

How could I not have seen this when it has been right there, under my nose all this time. Well, better late than never, they say. I AM SO EXCITED!

Know this: A recent study at Harvard has shown that eating chocolate can actually help you live longer.

The Love of Three Oranges

2009-05-29T16:53:00.003+08:00

The college play was some time ago, but I think it is still worth mentioning. The play was a little different than what I expected, considering the proximity between the actors and the audience. But I liked the switch from the conventional way. A more refreshing and unique experience, is what it was. I must congratulate the actors and actresses for putting on a great show. And really they were really good. From their articulate speeches, to the projection of their voices, to their I-don't-care-how-silly-I-look attitude. They were in it 110%, I could tell. And having to perform 4 times, twice within a day, back to back must be really tough. But they lived up to the challenge and produced a commendable and admirable performance! Kuddos, guys. Also, I simply must mention, I loved the door gifts.

Of course, what is an outing with my girls without our usual photo-shoots? We stayed out longer this time and sat by the bay to talk (I know, like we don't talk enough in school already, but we really LOVE to talk!). Had a blast, as usual, girls!

Trust me, I hated myself for doing it, again and again.

Know this: The force of 1 billion people jumping at the same time is equal to 500 tons of TNT.

Don't Hate, Congratulate!

2009-05-22T21:16:00.002+08:00

I shall admit that I was extremely shocked myself when Kris Allen reigned champion in American Idol. I was convinced that Lambert was the crowd favourite and the votes for him will just pour in exponentially. Lambert was the obvious choice, so I had actually made peace with my favourite losing this season to a worthy opponent. Allen's victory was a pleasant surprise. Although I always find myself looking forward to Lambert's performances every week, it has always been Allen's tender and humble performances that left a deeper impression on me. His version of 'Falling Slowly' caught my attention and I have paid attention to him ever since. From his smile, to his sexy-to-the-maximum-jawline; and from his sultry voice to his a-little-trying-too-hard-but-he-still-looks-cute dance moves (most apparent in Abdul's choreography) to the adorable way his jaw slants to the side when he belts his last notes, I love Allen to bits. One should not love Allen any less because he's triumph meant Lambert's loss. It's not his fault.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Wish you all the best Kris Allen. May you melt the hearts of everyone, just like you did mine.

On a side note, I must congratulate the SAJC Girls Soccer Team for making our school proud with a victorious 1st-runner up position. You girls put on a fantastic game today! Up and on.

-
Know this: The winner of American Idol Season 8, Kristopher Neil Allen was born on the 21st of June 1985.

Great Expectations

2009-05-18T20:17:00.000+08:00

Aside from the unfortunate fact that I have a test based on this book by Charles Dickens tomorrow, this title also very much applies to my life right now. No, I shan't bore you with my hopes, dreams and aspirations. I tend to weave these between my other posts anyway.

However, it struck me these days not to have high expectations on some people, especially when they have let you down once before. You pretend not to care because these people are just not worth your concern and what did not happen must not be dwelled upon, but the truth of the matter is, you care. And you care, a lot. Especially when it is the only thing you look forward to the whole mundane day; the only thing that will make the whole journey to school worthwhile. Yes, I realised that one's happiness should not be placed into the hands of other people. Because, just as they have the power to make your life seem a brighter place, they have the power to to take that away from you as well. Then what happens? What happens to you, then?

School has been really rough lately with the major examinations emerging once again. At times like these, the smallest glimmer of hope for a better day is crucial. Very very crucial. I suggest everyone should take the opportunity to make someone's day every day. A smile or any other friendly gestures will suffice, I'm sure. Remember to be kind. Everyone's struggling.

So make my day. I'm counting on you.

Know this: In ancient Rome it was considered a sign of leadership to be born with a crooked nose.

A Less Boring Concern

2009-05-09T17:05:00.000+08:00

I need validation. I am growing more and more impatient. Giving up, pretty soon. It won't be easy but anything is better than this. One more week is all you have. One word is all I need.

Know this: In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "Goodnight, sleep tight" came from.

Netball Reunion

2009-05-02T21:17:00.002+08:00

Last Tuesday, I had the netball reunion. It was great having to see all my team-mates again. Brought back so many great memories, from the good times to the horrible times, from the funniest to the unforgettable times. Then I took the opportunity to explore the school, just to see what has changed and what has remained. As I walked around the somewhat deserted school (and it was only 5pm!), I realised that everything was just as I remembered, but smaller. Smaller corridors, smaller staircases. Not that I have grown into a giant or anything, but I think it has to do with my current college being so massive. I met up with some teachers, like Ms Lena Chng, who is getting married at the end of this year! How happy I am for her. She's a pretty lady and smart too, so her future husband is one lucky man. Ms Chng is one of the best teachers ever. She was great to me. The things she did, the opportunities she gave me, I cannot thank her enough. Once, she loan me her haversack for the Mt. Ophir trekking because my mother did not want to get one for me, since it was only a one-time thing. When I wanted to return it to her, she told me to keep it! I still have that haversack. Man, those things ain't cheap. I love her, what other people say. She was good to me, and that is all that really should matter. She is HOD of CCA now, so she is on her way to the top. On. Her.Way.

Unfortunately, we did not play a game with the juniors as planned because of a particular teacher, who has not changed since I left the school, I must say. I never respected her and I still don't. Sorry, no cure lah. We may be coming back again to play a friendly match with our juniors, some time this May. I am very excited! So since we could not do what we came to do, we took pictures all around the school instead, taking advantage of the fact that there was noone there to judge our nonsensical behaviours.

After, we headed to Swensens for dessert. We had the Giant Earthquake and Topless Five (how sexy, and delicious too!). There, we laughed and laughed as we recalled our secondary school times. That night, I also discovered why they made the spoons in Swensens so bloody long. (*winks at Aisyah and Nurul)

And I also realised, never once did we talk about our netball matches or competitions. Not only did we not talk about it, we don't seem to remember much about it either. What we do remember is how much we laughed; our jokes and how we always had fun. I understand what matters now, and what will matter in the future. Had a blast man, and cannot wait to see ya'll again for our match!

A picture with Lady Chng. 'Sean Kingston head-swing' pose. Classic.
You might not know this, but this is supposed to be a jump-shot.
Nurul and I working the pole, the only way we know how.
Expressing my inner-Alicia Keys.

Netball. Good times, good times.

Know this: The left leg of a chicken is more tender than the right one.

That Special Saturday

2009-05-02T20:07:00.001+08:00

Yup, they got me GOOD! Last Saturday, I had the surprise of my life! I met up with my secondary school friends, expecting nothing more than just a wonderful reunion, only to be shocked by a birthday surprise they had secretly planned for me. I was caught off guard and was completely oblivious from the beginning. It was funny how everything turned out as planned despite the heat and us wanting to seek shelter, desperately. But we persevered on across the bridge, under the scorching sun, towards the Merlion and to the One Fullerton Starbucks, where Nurul and Afiqa(!) were waiting for the rest of us with the ultra-delicious ice-cream cake. By the way, I totally fell for the whole Nurul comforting her crying friend scenario! I was so hesitant to disturb their little intervention. Anyway, I never had an ice-cream cake before (how thoughtful, considering how hot it was that day, like any other day lately), let alone one that was for me. In fact, I never even had a surprise birthday party for me before. *Cue the violins. Well, I do now and it happened on the significant Legal-18 year. We had cake and chatted at Starbucks over-looking the beautiful scenery of the murky Singapore river, the construction site of the Integration Resort at Marina Bay and of course the esplanade. We took a lot of photos against the clear blue skies. We were sweating like shit and had to squint our eyes because of the bright bright sun, all for a good- quality picture. The lighting is best when it is under natural light, so must tahan, I say! Man, they don't call this tiny island 'Sunny Singapore' for nothing.
Then we headed to Cathay and ate at Astons, another wonderful spot for dining with a great view. I really should explore Singapore more, because as a Singaporean, I simply don't venture this island enough. All these places I have never been before and am absolutely clueless about! How embarrassing... But I can't help it when I never seem to get bored with Toa Payoh Hub.
Then we headed to Orchard Road to have a drink at Starbucks. And yet another great hang-out spot. So lomantik, you! It was not crowded at all and very comfortable. My kinda place! Seriously, I should go out more.
When heading home, Aqila and I shared our deepest and darkest secrets. Well, deep and dark for me only, perhaps. At our usual hang-out spot, we chilled and chat from 9pm to 11pm talking about our dirty little secrets. But like we agreed, whatever happened there, stays there, girl! It was a special Saturday for me indeed. Way way much more than I bargained for and I am truly grateful to have thoughtful and cool (yes, Jo Bros & Miley fans ARE cool too) friends like them. Always keeping it real. And Afiqa was a great surprise, man! I haven't seen her for like a thousand years! And I am happy that she is still that happy-go-lucky girl that I have always known her to be. You know, Afiqa and I go way back, and I hope to see her again soon. Thank you girls for that wonderful time. And remember, never drink too much before your main course arrives. (*winks) I was shocked, can you tell?
Wishing for a million dollars (yeah, like I will tell you what I really wished for)... I think my exact reaction was "Mmmmm..."
We were VERY inspired by this picture. So...
We adopted it and call it the 'Sean Kingston head-swing' Pose.

There's nothing quite like them.

Know this: On the day that Alexander Graham Bell was buried the entire US telephone system was shut down for 1 minute in tribute.

When I was the Princess...

2009-04-25T12:24:00.009+08:00

on the 21st of April. I turned a whole year older. I received some killer gifts this year, especially from my family. Of course, they did not consider them as presents because I always ask things from them and they will just get them for me, regardless the occasion. But this time, the things I received are pretty expensive. So much so that I was reluctant to accept some of them, while others I graciously (and readily) accepted. My generous father bought me an MP3 player which cost a bomb. My sister bought me a pair of 'to-die-for' sexy shoes and my mother bought me a black bag, one that I have been looking for for months. My best girlfriends in college bought me the prettiest water-globe, which I proudly display on my dresser. My class gave me a cake, which was without a doubt the best chocolate cake I have ever tasted. And no, I am not JUST saying that. It was not much of a cake, because there was more icing and chocolate cream than the spongy part of the cake, which is the part that I hate most. So each bite melted in my mouth and of course, made my teeth all brown. I actually find myself scanning through cake shops to find that piece of cake so that I can enjoy it one more time! Yes, it was THAT good. Certainly, not forgetting those who wished me good wishes on that special day personally, or via text- I truly appreciate it.
I cannot believe I am 18 already! I can legally go clubbing now and get my grind on! Right, like that is ever going to happen, even when I turn 80! Then again, maybe I should not speak too soon.
Anyway, I spent Special Tuesday studying for my history test. I did not mind as much as I probably should, particularly because (almost) everyday is a celebration for me- weekdays with my girlfriends and on weekends with my family. So my birthday, if not for the singing, the cake and all the self-indulgent attention (just look at the freakin' title of this post- GUILTY!), is a day like any other. And everyday is like a celebration on April 21st. Damn straight, aside from my studies, life is good.

Off to meet my secondary school girlfriends in the afternoon later. What should I wear?

Friends today. Complete strangers the next. We should be more consistent.
-
Know this: On the 21st of April 1944, in France, women received the right to vote.

Accomplished

2009-04-17T23:05:00.004+08:00

Told you the number '13' haunts me. Anyway,I had my Nationals this week. My performances for my 200m and 100m events were fair, I personally feel. I have been told that for someone without the secondary-school-days training advantage, I did well. I know I did my best. And somehow, with a strike of good luck, plenty of prayers and a miracle, I qualified into the semi-finals for the 100m event. I was utterly shocked. I was ready to sell my spikes to the juniors that Tuesday. I remembered vividly during the 100m heats I told myself that that was the last race that I will ever run in my whole entire life, so might as well 'run like hell' (Aqila if you are reading, *winks). And I did. I was convinced that I would not qualify into the semi-finals, looking at the other girls. They were all so confident. Although I did not qualify into the finals, I was glad that my 2 years of training under coach were not entirely in vain. Although I am happy that this is all over, I am grateful for this opportunity. So to the other sportsmen and women of SAJC whose season may not be over, I wish you all the best!
But give it a month or so, I think I will miss my Track trainings. This is it. No more trainings for me. No more Dynamic warm-ups. No more pick-ups. No more starting-blocks. No more King Tut's pyramid work-outs bullshit. No more hurdles. No more Core exercises. No more.
At the same time, no more Coach's sarcasms. No more of the sprinter boys' jokes. No more feeling of satisfaction after a great work-out. No, no more. All these I say in melancholy. There will be things I miss, for sure. But I am glad that I have been through everything and I came out of it all, alive. Trainings were tough, but there were definitely good times I shall cherish forever (*cue the violins).
On Thursday, I had my 2.4km run. It was my personal best ever and I think it has largely to do it being the last 2.4km run of my whole entire life. So, must 'run like hell' (Aqila,*winks) I just hate it so much and am very extremely ecstatic that it is over. No more 2.4 forever and ever and ever baby!
So this whole week, I did a whole lot of running. Not to mention rushing back from the Choa Chu Kang stadium to school for a Math test, Literature timed-assignment and my LAST 2.4km run, on all the respective days I was not in school in the morning because of my races.
Today is Friday and I feel very accomplished. However, I have a pile of homework and revisions to do, so I should probably get to it right this second.
By the way, I should probably take this opportunity to thank my PW group mates for co-operating and achieving the 'A' together. We sure as hell deserve it, kiddos!

'When you like someone, just go and talk to them.' Right.

Know this: The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

A Work in Progress

2009-04-05T14:32:00.001+08:00

Last Saturday, my class and I had Service Learning at Tiong Bahru with the elderly. Honestly, I think we could have done much more than we did there, as all we actually did was serve food to the elderly, clean the chairs, wipe the tables and sweep the floor. However, the elderly seemed thrilled to have us there. I guess all they were looking for were fresh faces at the centre. I suppose they wanted to be accompanied by a younger generation. Either way, we made their day and I am glad.Later that evening, my girls and I had to rush to Bukit Batok for a play in Millenia Institute entitled 'Awang Belanga, Bingkisan Lama'. First of all, I must concede, the school is BEA-YOU-TO-THE-FUL. The entire landscape was magnificent, with the airport-like entrance. Second of all, the play was AWE-TO-THE-SOME. I laughed so hard that my jaw started hurting and I was in tears. 'Eh, lampu kat sane?' Bravo, Millenia Institute for that phenomenal production! From the story-lines, to the costumes, to the setting, to the music, to the singing and dancing and even the audience interaction sections, you guys really nailed them all! My girls and I agreed we would have payed $50 to watch the play, 10 times more than what they actually charged. I had a blast, man!
Last Wednesday, we went back to the Old Folks' Centre to finish another 2 hours for our CIP. Although it was at 8pm, and all of us had a tiring day at school, I still had fun. It was karaoke night and it was exciting to see the old follks excited as they clapped along. I interacted with some of them and I was not surprised that most of them understood Malay. I had fun. I must mention, some of them looked really adorable!
Moving on, yesterday, I participated in yet another All-Comers Athletics Competition, in the 200m event. My timing remained consistent, but I had hoped for an improvement. On the bright side, I saw that super adorable boy again. But of course, the standard brief glances, and we went our separate ways. Great to see him again, anyway.

And regarding my previous post, which somehow raved some very much appreciated concerns, I would like those who actually gave a damn to know that I am fine now. I realised that if I were to let this anxiety get to me, it will cloud my everything. I cannot afford to be afraid and lose focus, as time is of the essence. It is still not too late, if I start now. So do be understanding and supportive when I choose to bury myself with my studies. When it comes to revision or doing homework, I am more productive when I am alone. It's nothing personal. It's just the 'A' Levels.

And coming from a position where I was never in the bottom, the situation for me right now is difficult, to say the least. Remedials, counselling, pep-talks with my CT, Parent-Teacher (maybe HOD)- Meeting... I mean, I never had to worry about these things before. But now... I guess it is for my own good. Well, I suppose there is a first for everything. So I will just have to suck it up, swallow my pride, build a damn bridge and get the fuck over it, with grace.

I may not be 'fixed' just yet, but a work in progress, indeed.

I'm too shy to ask. I'm too proud to lose.

~Westlife "If I Let You Go"

Know this: After eating too much, your hearing is less sharp.

Unfixed

2009-03-26T00:07:00.008+08:00

Not a good day today, at all. And if I hear one more of those "You work so hard but how come it does not seem to reflect in your grades?" remarks, I am going to grab the nearest blunt object within my reach and literally hit that person who made that comment so hard and many many times until he dies, before I swallow that blunt object myself and just choke to death.
I am starting to lose faith in myself because I am starting to lose faith in You. Apparently, You do not bring good things to good people. Not anymore at least. You did not come through for me this time. I know You will forgive me for this, so I am very disappointed in You for not being there for me when I needed You the most. I did my part, but where were You?

Your promise:

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,

And ignite your bones,

And I will try to fix you

~ Cold Play

...unfulfilled.

How could You do this to me? To me.

Know this: The fastest growing nail is on the middle finger.

Mummy...It's Over!

2009-03-25T01:03:00.000+08:00

Block Test 1 did not end on a very good note, considering the Economics paper was a tough one. Nevertheless, it did end. Thank Heavens!
No more slaving at 3am in the morning, writing out concepts into my notebook and closing my eyes, as I attempted to memorise what I have written. Man, does it suck to be a tectile learner. I have to write out everything in order to study effectively. A long-ass survey was done in my secondary school days revealed that tectile is my learning style. And it is true, I do study better when I write down the notes.
Now thinking about how much effort I actually put in to prepare for this last paper, I must express my sadness and disappointment in myself for not being able to nail the paper. Truly, it is only when I enter college that I realise hard work does not always pay off. You actually have to be smart to get good grades. Understandably, that would be hard to swallow, for someone who has always worked hard for her grades.
Anyway, the tests are over, for now. I shall savour this brief moment that is carefree, appreciate nights free of toss and turns, and embrace this time when I can breathe easy.
Plus (I cannot believe I am about to declare this!) but I actually miss school- the tutorials, lectures and the people, certainly. I cannot wait for everything to go back to normal. Normal is always good, for me.

It is ridiculous the amount of time I spend thinking of this somedays.

Know this: You breathe about 10 million times a year.

Nothing to Say to You

2009-03-14T21:08:00.000+08:00

Today I participated in yet another All-comers Athletics Competition, in the 100m event. This time I am positive that I did not perform well. Be it my absence in last week's trainings due to the Block Test, or the fact that Coach was not there to pressure me, I am certain that the outcome of the race was very disappointing. On a lighter note, I saw that adorable boy again, the same one I saw exactly a month ago. I was also reunited with several of the people from my past: my primay school Track and Field Coach- Mr Lim; Aqila!; Lee Chong Loon! and Eva from primary school. It was indeed a pleasant surprise to see them all there.
And so the March Holidays are here. I have lessons and assignments during this holiday. So go figure my attitude towards it... Excited, not.
Honestly, my fellow readers, I cannot be insightful these past few posts without revealing too much about the things I know I cannot reveal to you. So if you should find the content of my updates uninteresting or self-indulgent, I do apologize. But I hate leaving you people hanging, especially my friends who I rarely meet up with. Similarly, I use their blogs to find out how life is treating them.
Anyhow, I do not find this blog an appropriate place to tell you things that are important to me, information that just reveal too much about me. And it is not just one thing. It is a series of things. And not all of them are bad things. Some of them are wonderful things. While others just eat me up inside. And I beg of you not to speculate.
I am sorry that I have nothing 'juicy' to say to you. I just do not know you that well. And if I do, you probably already know.

Know this: In 1985, a pregnant women was falsely accused of shoplifting a basketball.

Keep On Keepin' On

2009-03-06T21:09:00.002+08:00

Life has been very unkind this week. What emotionally-draining week it has been. Never had I let out or wanted to let out so many tears before, in such a short span of time. Countless instances when the only thought that was going through my head was 'Stick a fork in me- I'm done.'
Year 2 of JC life has been taking a real toll on me lately, and I am starting to have doubts if I can ever make the coveted grades. They seem so out of reach right now and for some- impossible. And it is not even the assignments that I am worried about. It is more about the magnitude of the 'A' level itself that completely freaks me out. I manage to do the work and discipline myself, or whatever, but in the end, I seem to reap the same old pathetic grades. Honestly, it scares me that I might just give up one day. I might crack and not want to do this anymore. I am no longer confident in my own threshold. I am no longer confident that I can do this. It suddenly hit me that there is a possibility of me failing the 'A' levels; there is a possibility that I might not qualify into a University.
As I received my H1 Malay Result today, I was utterly disappointed and was at a loss for words. I told myself not to let out any tear today because enough tears have been wept already this week. I am currently contemplating if I should sit for the 2nd attempt of the paper this June. I was quite confident when I was in the CC that I was not going to retake it. Then, as I stepped out and gained a little more perspective into the situation, I realised that I had not done myself justice with that paper. I knew that I did not give my absolute 100%, which was a ridiculously stupid and moronic move, considering how important the examination really was. What the hell was I thinking? So the predicament continues...
I need strength to accept everything. I need strength to pick myself up and carry on from all these failures. I need hope that promises everything will be all right. I know giving up is not an option because I have already chosen this path, so there is no turning back. It has come to the point where you have to swallow your pride and just do what you have to. It is unfortunate how I need the tightest slap reality could ever give someone to remind myself how real this all is.

I am worried and I need You more than ever.

Know this: The word Nike comes from Greek Mythology. Nike is the goddess of victory and was often depicted as a small winged figure whom the goddess Athene carried.

Such A Happy Gal

2009-02-23T22:39:00.008+08:00

A million and one apologies may not suffice for my long absence. I have been rather busy lately, with school and other commitments. Other times, I am just too tired from the business that I tend to choose sleep over blogging.

So now that I have a small little free time in hands, I shall update about events that have occurred since Valentine's Day. (Man, that feels like umpteen years ago!)

On the 14th of February, I had a date! With the track... I ran my first race that Saturday, the 200m event. Coach said I did well, although I felt I could have done better with more training. Not bad for a first time, I guess. It was a wonderful experience and very exhilirating. I really do hope that it will not be my last! Plus, seated next to me was the cutest boy that I have ever seen that day. I was grinning non-stop that it disgusted me, a tad bit. Shall not elaborate on this. (Or I will go on for hours.)

On Wednesday MCS conducted the Traditional Games Day. It was fun getting to know the J1s and I am glad they enjoyed themselves. A lot of room for improvement, but I am happy and relieved that it is done and over with. It caused unnecessary stress, I feel. Everything went smoothly and it ended on time. I am really thankful that the juniors were as enthusiastic as they were. It really did contribute to the success of the event. Kudos to all involved!

I watched Slumdog Millionaire with my classmates last Thursday as part of GP trip. It is safe to say that it is one of the best movies I have ever watched in my whole entire life! It is written.There was a perfect mix of sadness, happiness, anxiety, fear and passion in the movie. It was indeed eye-opening and worth it. I loved every second of it.

Last Saturday, some of my classmates, my girls and I enjoyed a play called 'The Importance of Being Earnest'. It was alright, I suppose. The costumes were nice, and the humour was enjoyable. But frankly, I did not gain much from it, unfortunately. However, after the play, my girls and I had a photoshoot in the beautiful infrastructure around the Victoria Theatre. So Tyra Banks, watch out!

I ended up meeting my one true love, Hannan, that night and our families chilled till the wee hours of the morning. Walking in my heels became unbearable that I took them off and walked bare-foot at the beach and the Jurong Point shopping centre. It was 3:00am in the morning so no one really cared. It felt...liberating. I felt like a hippie. Also, I bought the most gorgeous pair of shoes in the whole entire world that day! I am very very contented...

Though brief, I hope it keeps you interested in reading my blog, still. Block Test 1 is in 2 weeks. I shall declare my apologies now. Sorry in advance!

You so make my day.

Know this: The reason why flamingos are pink is because they eat shrimp which have a red pigment.

Disappointment

2009-02-06T20:17:00.001+08:00

At this very moment, I am experiencing one of the lowest points in a long time. Disappointment is indeed one of the worst feelings one could possibly feel. Complementing it would be anger, confusion and sadness. Angry because you are not satisfied, confused because you cannot understand how they could do that to you, and sad because they had hurt you. The magnitude of this disappointment is determined by the person/people that had disappointed you. Family being the ultimate cause of the ultimate disappointment. With that said, I am experiencing one of the lowest points in a long time.
But you can never stay mad at them, or give them the cold shoulder for long. You just grill the beef eventually and carry on. I know that it is a good thing, because a happy family is one that sticks together, and never holds grudges. However, shrugging the issue that makes you unhappy time and time again makes them think that it is acceptable. That you are okay with them being the way they are to you. So sometimes, times like these, I want them to know that it is not acceptable. That I am not okay. When I told you, I TOLD YOU, that I really wanted this and you take that away from me, it isn't funny. It isn't okay.
The power of words retains whether they are spoken by family, friends or a random stranger. The sting is just a million times more painful when they are from your own flesh and blood. Sometimes they get unbearable and a piece of you just dies inside. Somehow, I expect more from them. I expect them to understand me more. Especially when I have clearly showed how much I wanted this. Instead, you said hurtful things. I know that you do not mean it. (Though at times I have doubts that maybe you actually do.) But you said it, still. Why say hurtful things just for the fun of it? Because we are family, I am not supposed to let it get to me? How miscontrude... It has the direct opposite effect.
You would think that the family bond is one that never wavers. Unbreakable. But being bounded by genes and blood does not necessarily mean that. One can feel emotionally apart from the family as well. Literature taught me that what you feel inside is more significant than what you show on the outside.
Other times, the family may not be appreciative of you. When you work so hard for a grade and instead of congratulating you, they put you down by asking why couldn't you have done better. No, it is not motivational. It is just depressing. You tend to question: will anything be enough anymore? An yet another piece dies inside. But there are just that many pieces. Let me not see the day when all these pieces die. Then I cannot call you my family.
Then there are double standards frequently practiced. For you, in return for a distinction is a demand for even better, and most of the time unrealistic grades. Not even a 'well done', once in awhile. For another one of your sibling, in return for a pass, just a pass, is a pair of new soccer boots. And at late nights and you are starving, they only buy food for one sibling, claiming they didn't have enough money to buy any for you.
How could one not wish that he was switched at birth or adopted, and his biological parents are desperately tracking him down as we speak? How could you not not be tempted to rebel with equally rude remarks, just to protect your own pride and dignity? Tell me how could you ever truly love people who treat uou this way? Who hurt you and know that they do, but just do it anyway? You must have forgotten that daughters are humans with feelings too.
Maybe I am just being a big baby because my family never really have big problems. Most of the time we are happy, which therefore makes times like these seem unbearable, makes you want to run away from them and express your pain to an alternative family. A back-up family perhaps. Reality states that the family is the one that you run to when the world crumbles down you. But where do you run to when the family lets you down?
You run to blogger of course.

Disclaimer: This is not a plea for counselling. But more for a family that respects me and geniunely cares for my well-being. A plea of a better family.

Know this: The Simpsons is the longest running prime-time animated series on television history.

Been There, Done That

2009-02-01T16:31:00.000+08:00

Didn't think I will get away this week with a post of just pictures, did you? Well lately, there has been a lot of things going on. Too much to post about and a little too insignificant to share.

However, Monday is a pretty special day. The new batch of junior college students are coming! How exciting... It will be great to see new faces. Quite frankly, this excitement is selfish. Finally, we get to feel like we have the upper hand, a little more experience, a little wiser. For we are the seniors.

I remember my first few days in SAJC. So unfamiliar, timid, awkward and out of place. Like a square peg in a round hole. One of the most uncomfortable experiences ever, alongside the other 'firsts' in my life. Sends chills down my spine just thinking about it. With that I am thrilled that I have successfully gotten past that. I met great friends to keep me company during the breaks, I have a CCA, I know the teachers and vice-versa, I know the different blocks by heart, I know the schedule for the buses to the school, I know all the ways to get home from there, I know what Moodle is. I am settled. So familiar, no longer timid nor awkward and very much in place. Like a square peg fitted nicely into its rightful hole.

For me, coming from a secondary school where I was very much part of the school, and the school part of me, makes a new environment like this strange and difficult to adapt to. People do not know me here. So this transition is the hardest for someone like me. From being a somebody to a nobody.

I guess what I am trying to convey is, if I can do it, anyone can. Of course the awkwardness will make you want to wail "I want to get the hell out of here!" but you just have to suck it up. Moreover, remember that you are not the only one feeling afraid. No longer will there be the first-3-months kids that will prance around as the know-it-alls. Everyone is in the same boat as you. (Well except the DSA kids, but that is just a small portion.) Everyone will pull through, together. I believe there is great comfort knowing that you are not alone.

Bottom line, things will get better and everything will turn out o-tay! Believe you me, Fresh Meat. Believe you me.

Know this: There are over one hundred billion galaxies with each galaxy having billions of stars.

Painting A Thousand Words

2009-01-31T17:22:00.003+08:00

Chinese New Year Dikir Barat SAJC Open House
Banner Painting

Know this: Male goats will pee on each other in order to attract mates.

Kita Orang Melayu

2009-01-24T15:29:00.009+08:00

Dikir Barat with my fellow Malay Cultural Society during yesterday's Chinese New Year Celebration in SA was phenomenal, to say the least. The energy, the adrenaline rush... It was indeed a fantastic feeling. The fact that we were able to pull this whole thing off with time constraints, conflicting schedules and hectic time-tables, is unbelievable and very commendable, I must say. Though it was not we-can-so-thrash-other-dikir-barat-groups-in-SYF great, the audience was absolutely entertained, which was what really mattered in the end. A memorable performance for them, as well as for us.
I must admit, in that moment, and all the times that we spent practicing together especially on the full dress rehearsal day, I was very proud to be malay. The stereotypes and prejudice about the malays prevalent in the society today really do make it hard for me to feel proud all the time. Given opportunities like these, I am more than glad to showcase to people the 'semangat' of the malays. We may not be known for our intelligence or lucrative professions, but I believe that the malays are instrinsically good-natured; we are truthful... to say a few. Of course there will be those that go astray, but that is only a fraction of us.
Being heavily influenced by the Western culture through the media, it is unfortunate that I never initiate opportunities like these to fall in love with my own culture. It is unfortunate that I need to be reminded of how endearing my culture can be, during Hari Raya(s) and malay performances. Really, it is not my fault considering what we are constantly exposed to when we walk in Orchard Road or on the steps of Marina Square leading to the Esplanade.
However, I now realise that I have always loved being a Malay. That is why my closest and best friends are of this race, that is why I am always excited to go for Malay lessons, and enjoy it most when I showcase traditional performances, rather than Western dances. Honestly, the CCA I wanted to be in Junior College has always been Malay Dance. Unfortunately SAJC does not offer that. So MCS will do.
I would like to take this opportunity to express my deepest gratitude to Jannah for everything-- from the choreography, the garnering of overwhelming support from our fellow malay student body in SA, to the costumes! You are great. You are amazing. And of course the rest of the dikir barat performers for their dedication and co-operation. You guys really came through this time. The performance did much more for me than just an opportunity to be on stage. It made be believe in the Malays. For someone like me, it is huge.

Know this: In an agricultural society, the dikir barat was performed as a ritual or celebration of the rice harvest season.

Give Me Strength

2009-01-16T23:53:00.010+08:00

Our first week of school just ended today and it is needless to say, a hectic one. So many assignments due in the week (on top of the incomplete holiday assignments), Milestone Assessments. Then there is the Chinese New Year performance that the Malay Cultural Society is putting up this year. There is just so much to do. I barely had a breather throughout this ordeal and there were many points in this week were I cracked and just wanted to throw in the towel. But it was only the first week.
Strangely, on the first day of school, although it was exciting to see everyone again, it never really felt like I had been away for 2 months. More like a 3-day weekend and then we are back. Back to the same canteen food, the same environment, the same subject tutors, the same people, the same everything. Perhaps when the J1s enrol then things will be more interesting. As for now, the awareness that there has been little, if not none at all, changes made, makes me pray for the weekends to arrive more quickly.
Anyway, because of the hectic schedule and the MSAs, I had to skip some of my track trainings. I feel so guilty everytime I am not training with the rest. Even though I try to persuade myself that skipping the trainings was necessary, in view of upcoming examinations, my conscience is still not convinced. I feel rather estranged in the track team now. They seem quite cold towards me recently and I believe there had been meetings or information that were not disseminated to me, as I am probably labelled as the 'inactive member'. The one that does not care. Oh, how I wish they knew how much I actually really do care. Otherwise, it will not be eating me up inside. Or maybe I am just being paranoid.
But I have to prioritize, don't I? We are student athletes. 'Student' comes first. I am not sure what it is, but just seeing any of my team members in the canteen or along the corridors during school, makes me feel very guilty. I have never been the sort to skip trainings and such, ever. This must be why it is exponentially difficult for me to tell my Captain that I will not be able to attend training or that I cannot help out at the booth during the Open House. I have other commitments, such as MCS and my studies, certainly. Furthermore, I feel, sometimes, I am not really needed at track. I am the only girl, so Coach cannot form a girls' relay team. Recently he has been training the boys in baton passing. Only the boys. I was just standing next to Coach, laughing at the boys because they had cramped faces as they pretended to run sitting down, with their legs stretched out straight in front of them. It looked painful. But then again, how would I know? I was not part of it. Any of it. Moreover, in Track, I am only a member, so when it came down to Open Houses or Carnivals, I have to be there for MCS, where I have an actual role with delegated responsibilities to handle there. And where I feel significant, needed, comfortable and genuinely happy. I really hope my track members understand.
So why the hell do I feel so darn bad? Am I just being hard on myself? But I do find my reasons justifiable, then why can't I seem to go to sleep at night without thinking whether skipping the day's training would affect the 80% attendance rate, which I must achieve for recognition? I just wish that CCAs will be suspended as soon as possible so I can focus on my studies without having a heavy heart on an unfateful Monday,Tuesday or Thursday.
With everything that has been going on in just this one week and the foresight of what to expect in the year, I am tired and afraid. Stressed is an understatement, as I am significantly weakened. I am not sure how much longer I can keep this up. This is not easy.

Please give me strength and tell me that everything is and will be ok.

Know this: Touching and stroking a plant will aid in it growing healthily.

Hindsight

2009-01-07T11:31:00.001+08:00

As expected, everyone I know is scrambling through their holiday assignments and revision, as is yours truly. The nerves are kicking in, "Am I going to make it?".
Procrastination really takes the best of you after something as intense as Year 1 of college with the horrendous Common Test results and the Promotional Examinations, where stressful was an understatement. With less than a week left to the reopening to school, I am more than half-way through the holiday assignments. I tried to revise as I did the work so my revision is progressing too, I suppose.
The revelation of the whole experience is the amount of work I have completed in a day. With the pressure of knowing that school is starting real soon, I force myself to sit and finish the assignments and in just one day, I had a lot of work done. So I beat myself over the thought that if I had done it on the first day of the school holidays, I would not have to worry as I am doing now. If I really disciplined myself and was conscientious, all my assigments would be done by the 3rd week of the holidays.
Now I realise that it is not fair for me to mistreat myself this way. I am just saying this with the benefit of hindsight. I know now, only now, how screwed I am, that is why I wish I could turn back time. However the truth is, if I did go back in time I would not have changed a thing, because I would still want to enjoy myself and work-out in track trainings. I would have pushed my responsibilities back the same because I would want to have fun first before getting down to business. Similarly to what has already happened, I would be way to busy to think about the consequences of procrastination. I know the consequences. Everybody does. I know I will be screwed. But I was not sure of the level of 'screwed' I would be in. On the 'you-are-screwed-o-meter', I would say I am about a 7.5. But I chose to think positive and convince myself that I can finish my assignments (with quality, mind you) and revision in the nick of time.
Now that I realise that my feat will not be an easy one, I do wish I had more discipline than I do. It will be a race against time. But it is the holidays. Everybody gets ahead of themselves during the holidays. The current me has the advantage of hindsight that my past self does not. So I have to cut myself some slack. I cannot waste my energy panicking. Because the truth of the matter is, if I was my past self, I would have done the same thing. Unfortunately.

Know this: The coconut is the largest seed in the world.

2009 will be Mighty Fine

2009-01-02T16:38:00.006+08:00

A whole year has passed already. 2008 has indeed been, arguably an incredible year for me. 2008 was mighty great! The highlight of that year would have been being an official Saint. It was a life-changing decision to enrol there and I never regret it. Things may be tough, and God knows it will only get tougher next year, but tough is good. Tough prepares you. Tough strengthens you. Tough pushes you to your potential. Tough is good, for you. Hence, I am thankful for 'tough' in SAJC. I am thankful that my best friends in SAJC are intelligent and fun. I am thankful that the teachers are nice and cool. I am grateful that 13 points did not qualify me for the Science stream, or else I would have considered it and probably not do as well in the subjects. I guess things definitely have a way of working out for the best.
2008 was also a year of firsts. It was the year I first took the Singapore Flyer with my family; the year that I first started splurging on dresses (a big move for someone who often settled on T-shirts and jeans); the year that I have MY first camera; the year that I first take any transportation to school; the year that I read more than one book and the year I became an official blood donor (I am a B+). And who could forget? 2008 was also the year that I went to my first ever concert-- Rihanna baby! I will forever cherish 2008 and the many great things it had instored for me, both the good and bad times.
The uncertainty of the future is always fun to anticipate. 2008 has taught me, more than any other years past could ever had, that anything can happen, even when you do not necessarily plan for it. Although, as much as I believe in fate, we can always change things for the better.
I reckon 2009 will pass by doubly quick as I will be sitting for a gig-enormously important examination. It will also be the exciting year that I will have yet another graduation night. It will also probably be the year that I get my first job, right after my 'A' Levels. And many more exciting life-changing events will come my way, I am sure. Who knows, 2009 could be the year I meet Chris Brown and he discovers his love for me and proposes to me? Do not scoff! It could happen...
My new year's resolution? To marry Chris Brown. Go ahead and laugh, because I do not believe in resolutions. We should always try to be better people and no need to declare that. Just be.
So I decided to start the New Year with a hair cut. I loved my curly long hair but it began to be a hassle washing it, preparing it for a day out. The hair-dresser went out of her way to blow-dry my hair then straighten it. I thank that China lady for her hard work, effort and patience. So, temporarily I have straight hair, until I wash it. Do not be fooled by the smiles in the pictures below, as I really do miss my curls terribly. The smiles are attributed to 2009 being the first year that I have straight hair, even if it is just for a day.Know this: By donating just one pint of blood, four lives can be saved.

A Visit to the Zoo

2008-12-22T14:17:00.000+08:00

On Saturday, my parents surprised my siblings and I with a strange and out-of-the-blue decision to see animals. I have always loved to go to the Zoo, simply because within one place, you get to see so many things. We were so blessed with fine weather that day. It was not as hot as we had anticipated and the dark clouds did not stay for long, leaving us with a cool breeze.

It fascinates me the relationship the trainers have with the animals. It must not have been easy training the animals to follow a command but when they do, it is so endearing.

From giant turtles and smelly otters to agile orang utans and the late Ah Meng's memorial, the whole visit was an exciting and interesting one, I must say. Especially when we went to see the animal shows. But somehow I was expecting more action, like the recent infamous white tiger mauling. Who was I kidding? Those sort of things never happen twice (let us hope).

Know this: In a day, an elephant can drink 80 gallons of water.

A Wonderful Reunion Indeed

2008-12-17T19:57:00.003+08:00

On the 15th of December, I met up with 5 secondary school good friends of mine. It had been a long time since I have last met up with most of them, so I was extremely excited. It was nice to reminisce on the secondary school days, joke around and basically banter our night away. We had dinner at Pizza Hut, then headed to the Esplanade roof to take pictures, gossip and even played games; Concentration and 'Chucky Chucky Boom Boom'. Emerlia proudly introduced to us the latter game. Having desperately want group photos, with everyone of us in them, I had to set-up my camera on dustbins, bags and anything available to put it on self-timer. Then I had to position everyone and figure out where I would stand after clicking the 10-second capture button. It was drama! I really had to exercise my photography skills then. Unfortunately, some pictures were not centred or too bright, understandably since nobody was behind the lens. I tried my best, I promise! We went to the bay to take more pictures before we all went our seperate ways once again.
When with them, I suddenly realised how much I miss everyone and everything about my past. I miss the familiarity of the things and people around me, I miss the comfort of just being myself. We are all familiar with each others' antics and jokes. We get them, all. Sometimes, having brought up in different environment, other people may not necessarily understand a simple joke. That is the thing about the people you have known for a good, solid four years of your life-- you understand them. I hate having to restart everything and 'expand my social circle'. But I think the best part of that obligation is that I get to start with a clean slate. All my past mistakes I shall learn from and vow never to repeat them on my new friends. I can be a better person, a better friend that way. In essence, a part of me so badly wants to turn back time and put everything where they are supposed to be. But another part of me (which really is logic) tells me that that is not possible, so I have to make the best of what I have ahead.

Nevertheless, a walk down memory lane was wonderful and a blast indeed.

Emerlia, Aqila and Siti

Nurul, Moi, Nadia

Minah poses. It's on!

Try messin' with us, bitch!

Editorial shot. No?

Jump shot #1586. We took a lot, in vain.

We are awesome.

Know this: Studies have shown that by putting on slow background music it can make a person eat food at a slower rate.

Are we the same?

2008-12-10T15:24:00.005+08:00

A million and one apologies for not updating my blog. Really no explanation to offer you, just excuses.
Anyway, I have been tagged by Nurul Nasyitah. So here goes...
According to your age, list down the number of things that most people don’t know about you. And then tag 5 people.

1. I do not eat green leafy vegetables.
Nobody has ever been able to convince me to include the greens in my diet because, without it, I prove to be much healthier than most of them anyway.

2. I have a small fear of hippos.
I am not really afraid of the animal itself, just that hippos remind me of the deep oceans.

3. I am afraid of deep waters.
(Hope that explains #2, a little better.) I can swim. Well at least I own a certificate suggesting that I can.

4. Suffocation is the worst way to die, for me.
(Hope that explains #3, a little better.) Drowning is considered as suffocation, since you will choke on water and be out of oxygen. So even though I know how to swim, technically, I just tell people I do not know how to.

5. I want to learn sign language someday.
This form of communication is just so incredibly unique and amazing to me.

6. I am vulgar.
There is this misconception that I never utter expletives because of how I do my hair in school, I guess. I try to avoid throwing these ungracious words around as much as possible. But when I do say them, damn right I mean it.

7. I hate flip-flops.
They are just not classy at all. Exceptions: at the beach or in camps.

8. Sponge cakes make me feel like puking.
Muffins, cup-cakes and ice-creams with a thin chocolate-coating make me feel nauseous too. However, when they are too appetizing to resist, I make sure that I have the piece with the most icing, to counter the nauseating feeling.

9. I like to sleuth.
The net is pretty handy in finding out about people I just met. Other times, I just ask around or eavesdrop. I am rather good at it too. Basically, I know more about the people around me than I am supposed to.

10. I dislike people who do not move into the empty inner seats in buses.
I believe I have discussed this before in an earlier post. But what can I say, something that is worth mentioning more than once just goes to show how much I really dislike those people. "Just move in!"

11. There are times when I wish I was richer.
But the reality is what it is. For want of a better, more luxurious lifestyle, I work hard in school to be a successful adult. I aspire to be a lawyer for juveniles one day.

12. I hate irresponsible people.
In every meaning of the word: a sleeping member in the team, being late, not producing quality work. Sometimes, I just want to kill them.

13. I am obsessed with the number 13.
It seems to haunt me, everywhere, from my street, to my Olevel aggregate, to my IC and the number of letters in my name. I get a chill everytime I see the number. I see it as both an ill omen and a good sign.

14. I do not read.
My level of competency in the English Language, however you want to rate it, is attributed to me watching American shows on television religiously. My reason for taking Literature in JC can be explained with #11.

15. I write words I do not understand, which I get from watching television, into my phone.
I have a draft saved in my phone for all the words I do not know. I check out the meanings on the net. But when I get really desperate and cannot seem to continue watching the show until I know the meaning of the word, I will just look it up in the dictionary. Then I will write the meanings and the words on a post-it, already filled with other profound words.

16. I get really frustrated when I do not know something.
This applies to actors on shows, when you have seen them somewhere before, but you just cannot seem to remember where. I will literally toss and turn. Once in the night, there was a song on the radio and my sister and I do not know who the singer was and the DJ never said. So I told my sister that both of us were not allowed to sleep until we knew who it was. We figured it out about half and hour later. I do not remember who the singer was today, but I do remember sleeping so comfortably that night.

17. I am a very committed person.
For me, it goes without saying that my first boyfriend will be the one I marry.

So, after knowing more things about me, are we the same, at all?
I am tagging Elfarina, Amalina, Nadia, Roziana and Rosalehin.

Know this: China has more English speakers than the United States.

Track Chalet on 26th November

2008-11-29T16:07:00.002+08:00

On this special day, I spent a night with my fellow track members at the Aloha Loyang chalet, in Pasir Ris. Ms Tan booked us the bungalow. It was huge! She is always so generous. Thanks Ms Tan! Anyway, we were celebrating the seniors' farewell. Although the opportunity could have been better spent bonding with each other, the only activity actually planned was the BBQ. Before and after that, we were left to do whatever we wanted. Of course, the boys went to play cards in their rooms, while some went cycling in the rain. I took the time to stay in the girls room, alone, looking through the pictures in my camera, again and again, while listening to the radio on my MP3. I was almost shivering under the air-conditioning as I waited for the other girls to come back from their 'meeting' and 'date', respectively. May I emphasize again, I was alone. For hours. Sad and pathetic? Tell me about it. I even resorted to taking pictures of myself, using self-timer. That was fun. Sad, but fun nonetheless. Then I showered and watched television with Sharon. That was nice, as we sat in the living room at 1am in the morning watching random shows, whatever that was on, basically. In that moment, we started to really miss cable. Told some ghost stories, slept for a bit, went to have breakfast and home sweet home.

Yeah, there were a few laughs here and there thanks to the guys. There are really sweet actually. They barbequed everything under the light drizzle with an umbrella over them. Then they came into the living room to serve the girls first. Honestly, I did not even have to lift a finger. I was put in-charge of photo-taking, which was fun, I must add. However, that resulted in me not being in any of the pictures except for the group photos. So that was ALL I did. I was like a pest, or paparrazo (you say to-may-to I say to-MA-to), asking politely, 'Would you like to take a picture?' They entertained my annoyance with the acknowledgement that I was just doing my job.

Before the BBQ wrapped up, we presented the seniors with tokens of appreciation. We customised batons with their names spray-painted on it. We really put in a lot of effort into making them and we hope the seniors love the gifts. We also celebrated one the seniors's birthday that night, Nelson's. There was a delicious cake and singing, of course. It was so sweet as they switched off the lights and everything.

All in all, there were a million and one things I would have done differently in the chalet to make the experience more meaningful for everybody. However, with that said, for me, it was a pleasant night of rest and 'alone' time. Not fantastic. But pleasant. And graciously, I shall take that.

Know this: Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.

Escape Themepark for CIP

2008-11-27T18:55:00.003+08:00

On the 17th of November, 9 of us from 08A04 volunteered to accompany the kids from Evergreen Primary School to Escape Themepark. In essence, we had to babysit the students and watch after them. Certainly it was an opportunity not to be missed, considering chasing after kids under the scorching sun, entertaining their nonsense, and waking up early in the morning, were small prices to pay for an all-paid-trip (including lunch) to the themepark. Most of the kids were the same ones we played with during our Service Learning. Based on that experience, I thought meeting them again would be nice. I was very touched when one of the kids, Yee Kang, actually remembered me from our earlier meeting. However, I was attached to 3 malay girls, who I did not meet during the Service Learning. 2 of them were Primary Threes, and the other one was Primary 5. They were really adorable kids. Very hilarious and witty, especially during lunch at Burger King. Amalina and I made conversation with them by asking them questions about school and life. Bill Cosby was right, kids do say the darnest things. Amalina and I were laughing in between bites of our burgers and french fries. The girls just looked at us curiously and shrugged it off with satisfaction and the erroneous notion that we were just plain crazy to be laughing non-stop. I must add, they were quite the dare-devils too. They tried almost all of the rides, and even went on most of the 'scary' rides more than once! I was impressed and utterly embarrassed that I was too scared to accompany them on some of the rides. With them, you are obligated to go on the rides, firstly to protect them, but mainly (and sadly) to protect your own pride. Of course, there were tears of fear now and then (No, not mine! Gosh, give me some credit.) but all in all I had a great time, and I hope they did too.

After, I had to rush from Admiralty to Toa Payoh to Potong Pasir for Track training! I was exhausted from the day at Escape and the rushing to catch the buses and mrt surprised me with a new-found stamina. I was quite the superwoman that day, I must say. I wrapped up the whole day halfway while watching Desperate Housewives and crashed onto my cosy and warm bed with a huge grin on my face. A meaningful and productive day it was, indeed.

Know this: During pregnancy, the average woman's uterus expands up to five hundred times its normal size. (A dedication to those who are baby-crazy at the ages of 17 and 16. You two know who you are.)

A Night of Ketchup

2008-11-21T15:21:00.000+08:00

On the 16th of November, I met up with Nurul and Aqila, my secondary school gal pals. We desperately needed a night of catch-up to update each other about the on-goings of our college lives. It had been a long while since we last met up, therefore there was plenty to share. In a way, distance and time did us a favour, as the night was never at any point halted with a pause of awkwardness as we constantly had something to say. However, I should have been there for them when they shared about their not so happy times. There were indeed 'shocking' news and some not so shocking news. I guess some things just never change.

Anyway, it was a blast being with them, laughing and gossiping, and just hanging. We should definitely do this again. Love you girls, and till next time.

Know this: If you rubbed garlic on the sole of your feet, it would be absorbed and eventually show up on your breath.

Rihanna's Concert was Awesome!

2008-11-15T23:36:00.003+08:00

On the 13th of November, my sister, her best friend and her best friend's sisters and I went to the Rihanna! concert. It fell on my auspicious and favourite number, so I just had to go. I must say, I had one of the best times of my life. I danced my ass off and sang my heart out. I waved my hands from side to side, just like Rihanna told us to, and jumped when she jumped. Rihanna was so beautiful. She looked as flawless as she does on television. I was so mesmerized. Her sweet and sultry voice filled the Indoor Stadium.
Of course, there were some undesirable events that happened along the way, all the more making the day a memorable one indeed. Firstly, my sister and I hailed a cab driven by a typical old man, who was not in favour of the night life, nothing of the partying and 'let's have fun at a concert' sort, unfortunately. He was bitter throughout the trip, complaining that there might not be space for him to park his cab since it was going to be crowded with teenagers who were only looking forward to having a good time. He also almost got into a fight with another cab driver next to us, who was on the verge on scratching his 'million dollar' taxi. He cheated by sister with the cab fare, of about $4. It was horrible! He was horrible.

Then when we reached the North Entrance of the Indoor Stadium, we were greeted with good news, as we were upgraded to much better seats than we actually paid for. And it was free seating too so being early birds, we got hold of the best seats in our area, the centre block and centre seats. It was perfect. Of course, it was too good to be true, when a lady, who was actually quite well-mannered, albeit calculative, demanded that 3 of the seats we took were hers. The ushers must not have informed her that it was free seating, so first-come-first-served, or rather, you-snooze-you-lose, we all thought. Except for this other lady who decided to 'express' her unwelcomed opinion on the situation and protested that the seats be surrendered to the other lady. Lucky for us, the usher that 'attempted' to mediate the situation, panicked and solved the problem by moving us even further up to the stage. It was unbelievable! We were so near to the stage, yet we paid for seats on the last row of the whole entire stadium! Gosh, talk about a blessing in disguise. Of course, we all were nervous as we sat in those seats, worried that more people might come in and claim that those seats were theirs. In the end, all was good. The ushers signalled the closing of the doors and the best time of my teenage life officially began.

However, the mishaps did not stop there. The opening song was 'Disturbia', which we were all so excited for. Then her microphone stopped working! She was so mad. She stormed to the side of the stage where the technicians were and gave them one hell of a scolding, while the song was still playing. She then marched to the centre of the stage after rolling her eyes at the technicians. It was all caught on the big screens! I was terrified, thinking that she would no longer be in the mood to continue with the concert, considering her opening act was a total mess. She ended up just dancing and waving to the beat of the song, while the back-up singers continued singing. Fortunately, she was cool about the whole technical glitch. She was smiling to us and the audience sort of sang the song for her. It was amazing. When her microphone did work, she apologized on behalf of the crew. She even had a sense of humour about it, and I was glad that it was HER people that screwed up, not Singapore. It would have been a bad first impression if it were to have been Singaporean technicians in-charged of the microphones, considering it was her first time performing on our island.

After all the madness, Rihanna performed all of my favourite songs, including those that I am just beginning to be very fond of because of the concert. It is so difficult deciding on a favourite performance as I enjoyed every single one of them. The upbeat songs were great to dance to and the slow ones were nice to sing-along to. I had the time of my life during all the performances. She even sang Live Your Life, "ain't got no time for no haters, just live your life". I especially loved it when she held her microphone to the crowd and they began singing. It was so sad to see her wave goodbye after performing her smash hit 'Umbrella'. Strangely, I miss her so much. And, I know it was awfully silly of me to actually expect my boyfriend, I mean her boyfriend, Chris Brown, to somehow jump out and surprise us all with a performance of his own and then after, a duet with Rihanna. I did not put my hopes up too high inspite of all the tempting rumours spurred on by the radio stations, about Chris Brown travelling to Singapore alongside Rihanna. It did not happen. I was disappointed, just a tad bit. But the awesome-ness of the whole concert pretty much made up for it. The glaring and colourful lights, the blasting sound-system and THE Rihanna, for crying out loud! It was surreal. Maybe next time, Chrissy boy, dear, my love, forever!

The concert lasted for an hour and then the stadium emptied. Outside, there were other celebrities we chanced upon who were also apparently fans of Rihanna. We met Nurul Aini, Nurfasarie and Shan Wee! I was so star-strucked despite having been in the same room as Rihanna just moments before. Well, it was different. We got to be so close to these people, we got to talk to them and even took pictures with them, not of them. So it was a different kind of excitement. Nurul was so funny and friendly. They both were very gorgeous. A pleasure meeting them both.

I shall end of with a declaration that I, indubiously, had a blast during the concert, all thanks to Rihanna and my sister, who generously sponsored the wonderful opportunity for me. Thank you!

Have a nice one...

In the 'Bad' Cab

Our view from our First Seats

The Beautiful Rihanna enters...

Shut Up and Drive

Rihanna waves goodbye to Singapore

Mummy, it's over!

Me, My sister, Nuraini, Siti and Haslina

Us with the Model-esque Nurul and the Stunning Nurfasarie

Still star-strucked. Can you tell?

Anyway, my 14-year-old cousin headed off to Hong Kong today, for a CCA leadership training camp. So proud of him for being selected. It will be his first plane flight. I wish him good health and good luck. Have fun lil' cuz!

Know this: If you lock your knee while standing long enough, you will pass out.

Right Back On Track!

2008-11-13T00:43:00.001+08:00

I had dinner in school with my fellow track members last Tuesday. We had delicious pizza and sushi. I do not like sushi, so I did not touch those. Ms Tan apparently felt generous and decided to treat us all to the wonderful dinner we had, right after gym training. Thanks Ms Tan! It was really nice to eat together and grace each other with our presence. Of course we do that everytime during training, but it was nice to see each other relaxed.

Although I am the only girl in the sprinter team, amongst the mob of guys, somehow I still feel like I belong and I fit in. There are times where we have to get in pairs to do some drills and I will be left stranded like an abandoned child with my 4kg medicine ball. Then my oh-so-kind coach will go, 'Rose (yup, he must think I am a flower), you no partner, right? Come, I partner you.' That is when I know that it is alright being the only girl because coach will never make me feel alone. I have the BEST coach in the whole entire world. Moreover, the boys always make me laugh with their silly antics and their 'Go Ros, girl power!' before I run individually. I love it most when training ends and I'll go, 'Bye guys!' and they will simultaneously, like a kindergarten class say, 'Bye Ros!' They are indeed a sweet bunch. But just one more girl on the team would be a blessing, no doubt. Any takers?

Nonetheless, I am really glad that I decided to go back to running after my primary school days in KCP athletics team, and when I swore that I will never ever run again. We really had it rough back then when training was never something I looked forward to. Times got really tough for us 11-12 year olds. My only 2 driving forces were my friends and my competitiveness, my hunger to always come first. When I joined Netball in my secondary school years I realised how much I actually missed being on Track. And it would have been better for me too as I lacked stamina and I still do. When I was on Track, the focus was on building my speed, not stamina. So the sprinters were often excused from the distance running. However, Netball trainings always started with 10 rounds around the court. More often than not, I trailed behind. I hated warm ups. So at times, I hated Netball too.

Now I am fortunate to be running again. I may not be as good as I used to be (if I was ever good before), but I am working hard at it. I know I will not win any medals for the school, but I do want to represent the school someday in a competition. Let us just hope that I will not come in dead last, when I do wear the SAJC Track jersey one day. I will give my best in trainings and coach will help me too. Plus, the perks of being the only girl include having the guys as your bench mark. They push me to do better and be faster. We set the pace, you win the race. Of course there are other privileges, which include running half of 2.4km and an extended timing for dashes.

All in all, I am very happy to be in this CCA. Yeah there are days I just wished I never had a CCA at all, but the thought that it is for my own benefit, that I will gain a toned physique with a nice tan, is reason enough.

I guess my running days can never be considered as over. It is hard to give up something you know you are good at and have potential excelling in, no matter how much you may think you dislike it. Bottom line, it is great to be right back on track (get the pun?)!

Have a good one...

To a dear friend whose world may not seem so bright these past few days, know that I am here for you, for advice, comfort, a shoulder to cry on, a bodyguard that protects you from people probing you with questions when you clearly do not want to talk about it, or just a listening ear. Know that I care and that everything will be all right. Insya' allah. - From Mariah Carey to Avril Lavigne.

Know this: Eggs sink in water when they are fresh and float when expired.

Tyra Banks, Watch Out!

2008-11-09T17:05:00.001+08:00

Chronic boredom has led me to do just about anything to entertain myself, and in this case you, my fellow readers. After shopping last night, my sister and I decided to snap some shots of me, posing my ass off, if I may add. It was a lot of fun and tiring too. I am glad that I have an equally insane sister to entertain my nonsense. I also decided to explore the wonderful world of Picnik to edit the pictures so they seem more editorial and professional. Modelling is fun, even if it is in the comfort of your own home. So Tyra Banks, watch out! A new supermodel is in town. Delusional, delusional... Say what you want, but Cyndi Lauper says 'Girls just wanna have fun.' Know this: During World War II, the very first bomb dropped on Berlin by the Allies killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

Do Somethin'

2008-11-07T17:14:00.012+08:00

Basically my holidays are mostly taken up by my Track trainings, not only in terms of the days but the timing too. I will be having training every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, from 4.30pm to 7.30pm. Translated, I will not be able to go out on these days because if I were to have a head-start on shopping in the morning, I will have to rush for training in the afternoon. I will not be able to enjoy myself then because my mind will be constantly bombarded with reminders about the training. And if I were to go out after training, I will be way too tired. And since I refuse to let the public see the horrendous me after training, I would want to take a shower and freshen up first. But getting home takes another hour and I will be even more tired to go out after 8.30pm. So on these three days, my time and energy are devoted to only keeping myself fit through Track trainings.
It is not that bad, to come to think about it. I still have 4 days out of the week to enjoy. Moreover, it makes the four days even more precious to me. If I could, I would want to drag my whole family out every day of the four days. In addition, since training starts at 4.30pm, I will never have to miss out on my beauty sleep in the morning. I can still sleep in as late as I want to.
I really do want to make this holiday a special one. My economics teacher, Ms Hon, once told my classmates and I that after the Promotional Examinations and PW, we MUST enjoy ourselves. We have to "really play", as quoted by her. She explains that when Year 2 starts, there will be no fun, no enjoyment and no freedom. It will be crunch time ALL the time by then. Many teachers consider Year 1 as the luxury year. Although, I personally was struggling in this supposed 'luxury year'. I could only imagine the intensity of next year.
So that is why I really want to have fun this holiday. I want to meet up with my secondary friends, even the Student Councillors, have an outing with my JC ones and spend more time with my family. If you happen to fall into any of the above categories, you know my schedule. Make my day and give me something to look forward to.
Whatever it is, I just want to do something.

Like accompanying my mother to Geylang (when it is not even the Raya season?!) to buy a selendang, for a fancy dinner my father and her are going to...

She started drinking the Coke, before it was paid for, which makes the drink haram. She felt guilty, can you tell?

By the way, I love this song. To those who are still looking...

This time
I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing
I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holdin' my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I spend forever with
- 'Gotta Be Somebody' by Nickelback

Know this: Even when all the molecules in a single breath of air have been dispersed evenly in the earth's atmosphere, there will still be one or two of the same ones taken into the lungs with every subsequent breath. Every time you breathe in, you inhale one or two of the same molecules that you inhaled with the first breath you took as a baby.

The Wrong Vibe

2008-11-01T16:53:00.004+08:00

Please tell me you can somehow relate to this.
Have you ever met someone who just gives you an uncomfortable vibe? Not meaning to offend any prude, but I mean more of you not being able to 'click' with the person. You just cannot stand being next to the person, to see the person or even being in the same room as the person, let alone engage in a decent conversation with him/her. And there is no word to describe how you feel about this person. You are certain though that the word is not 'like'. It is not 'hate', but more leaning towards 'dislike'. The best I can come up with right now is 'repel'. You cannot click with this person, so you repel.
And the worst part of the whole thing is, this person did not do you any wrong. This person did not hurt you or offend you. In fact, this person has been nothing but nice to you. And his/her good deeds repulse you even more because you think this person is trying way to hard to please you. This person becomes petty and pathetic. You on the other hand, act like a total bitch towards this person, everytime this person speaks to you, nicely. You just cannot bring yourself to like this person no matter how hard you try because this 'thing' gets worse. You start to dislike the person's walk, the way he/she talks, his/her appearance and even his/her bag. Everything about this person is wrong.
I wish I could wrap my finger around what exactly is the barrier that prevents me, oh-so successfully, from being a nice person, just as that person has been to me. And I begin to hate myself even more because I know this person is not at fault. I really have no reason to be angry at this person, let alone dislike this person.
I may not necessarily be referring to anyone. Just something I believe we all can relate to. If it were true, I will be experiencing tremendous guilt, penitence and pain, as guilt will be eating me alive inside. My mood will drain out as conscience begins to nag at me. Why do I put myself through this? Some say, I deserve it. And I agree.
First superficiality and now this? I feel a sudden need to express my thoughts about these issues as it is a way for me to admit that I am in the wrong. It is wrong to be shallow and it is wrong to dislike someone without any apparent reason. Well, like they say, the first step to cure is to admit that you have a problem.
I want to be a better person and make things right. I was utterly disappointed when I heard this quote from House as Dr House referred to Dr Cuddy-

"You won't be happy unless the world is as it should be.
That only means two things- one, that you are a good [person],
and that you'll never be happy."

My heart sank because deep down I know this is the truth. I can try, with all my power, to change what I know is wrong about me, and believe me I have tried, really hard. But this is me. I have to be at peace with the truth and what the world is, and not what it should be. Only then can I be happy, happy enough to make the best of things. We all have flaws. Let us just accept them and make the world a better place with our virtue.

Know this: Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Apathy

2008-10-31T09:56:00.003+08:00

I had my Malay 'A' Level examination yesterday. I thought it was manageable. But somehow, this was the first time I was actually rushing for time during a Mother Tongue paper. Usually, I will finish the paper half and hour before the end of commencement but this time I used every minute of the 3 hour paper. It could be thorough checking, or maybe I was struggling with the answers. Fortunately, there were no blanks that I left out. I just filled in whatever I thought was right in that moment. Then a brief discussion about the paper with my friends and mother, only to find out that some of the anwers were wrong! Screw it.

That has been the attitude throughout the Mother Tongue examination, I feel. Screw it. I really did not take the paper as seriously as I know I should have. I do not know what got in to me yesterday. The desks were neatly set up, the air-conditioning was on and the hall was silenced. Still, those factors did not phase me at all, the way that they used to. I would blame it on the terrible flu I had. It was so embarrassing. The hall was so quiet you could hear a pin hit the floor, and there I was, blowing my nose away. Damn the dripping mucus! And I was drinking so much water to 'push' the mucus down (I do not know if there is any science- sense it that.) and it only resulted in a full bladder. I had to pee at 10:15am if i remember correctly. I told myself, after answering this question, raise your hand and go the toilet. I answered the question on my paper and I decided not to raise my hand because there were no girl teachers around me at that time. When 2 female teachers did come and stood around me, I still did not raise my hand because I was too shy to walk down the stretch of aisle, between friends who were still doing the paper. I was one of the first few front ones, so there were a lot of people I had to pass by before I can get to the exit door. So, that's right. You guessed it! I held it in until 11:34am. I actually thought I felt kidney stones forming as I patiently waited.

So my experience during the paper was a bad one. I could hardly recall myself doing the paper. I really did not give a damn about the paper and I still do not. Maybe it is the fact that I know I can take it again next year, although I absolutely do not want to. Maybe it could also be the fact that MT does not really matter in the rank points system. I do not know. And I just do not care anymore.

Some would say it is better this way, because I should not get too affected by this examination. But whose to say that I would not be affected by the results I will receive afterwards? Gosh, what happened to me? Every examination was a matter of life and death for me. And now, I treated an 'A' Level paper with such apathy.

God, help me. Let's just hope that it just a phase I am going through. These are the last few days in school and I am just tired. And sick. I am sick and tired. Give me strength to carry on.

I want to care. Really.

Know this: You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. (Good to know.)

The Little Things

2008-10-26T16:09:00.001+08:00

When bus drivers wave to each other or gesture a nod of acknowledgement as they drive pass each other; when people open doors for each other and say 'thank you' and smile; when people offer seats to one another; when someone helps an elderly board/alight a bus; when someone shelters someone else into the bus; when someone makes conversation with the canteen/drink stall lady in school; when the bus driver waits for a passenger running for his life to board the bus; when both parties apologise after they accidentally bump into each other; when team-mates cheer each other on during tough training times; when old friends greet each other in school and when it rains just after you step into the comfort of your own home.

These little things make me love life. Especially the man- made gestures, they make me believe that the world is a pleasant place. They make me believe in the good in everybody. Even those with a socially unacceptable exterior have a good heart.

I am starting to notice the little things that make me smile. Life just seems to be more bearable to live in, that way. Life seems good all of a sudden.

I know it can be better, if only.

Know this: The man who played the voice of bugs bunny was allergic to carrots.

SAJC Raya Outing on the 18th

2008-10-25T16:40:00.000+08:00

Almost an hour late, kept everyone waiting and broke Danial's mother's miniature clay (or was it glass? It definitely was fragile.) cat (tell her I am so sorry!) . Other than those unfortunate mishaps, an outing with the 10 of them was a blast. I got to know them a lot better. Although we were expecting a mob of about 17 kids, those were the only few who managed to actually show up. Other priorities, I suppose. However, I was really glad things turned out the way they did. The small group made it much easier to mingle around and be yourself. No awkwardness-- because we more or less knew each other. So it was all cool. We laughed and joked, bantering at most parts but we sincerely wanted to interact with each other.
We went to 7 houses only, yet by the time I reached home at about 11.30pm, I was beat. Exhausted. Dead. A quick glance through the pictures I took on that day on my camera before I crashed into my cosy bed and IMMEDIATELY knocked-off. There were several unexpected occurences and questionable coincidences that happened that day too. But I was too tired to give a damn, really. I would rather leave most things at face value.

I really enjoyed myself and I hope we have more of such outings together, as a malay community. It was really exciting to meet your families and experience your lifestyles for the brief 45 minutes or so. Thank your parents for the delicious food generously prepared for all of us and the great company they provided us with good grace.

SAJC Malay Community rocks my socks! Here are the pictures. Selamat Hari Raya!

Farina's Crib

Ellysa's Home

Ms Faizah's Home

Amalina's Crib

Rumah Farid

Nadia's Place

Danial's Home

Know this: Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

The Verdict

2008-10-16T21:14:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulilah Syukur.

I made it to year 2! I am so ecstatic, beyond words can describe. I did improve for the Final Year papers but not by much though. There were disappointments along the way as I received some unexpected results. Honestly, the CA grades really helped me by a mile. So I am glad that I did the assignments I had to, all this time.
My Promotional Examinations rank points was a pleasant surprise. I was in complete disbelief. I never ventured to ever enter into that range of rank points. I was to be contented with an improvement of just a few points. So I was utterly shocked and very very happy!
Of course, the battle is not over yet. The big 'A's are going to be tough, I know. But I make a vow to be more conscientious with my work. Common Tests were indeed a slap in my face. A reality check that it is way too risky to start your revision late. So I will be more consistent with my revision this time. It is easier to start the year right when you know what to expect.
Congratulations to everyone who did well enough to get promoted, and especially those who exceeded their expectations! Take a breather. Rejoice! And for those who did not do as well, just remember that everything will work out for the best. For my friends, I will support you all the way, even as you have to go through it once more.
Anyway, on my home today, I went to Prima Deli to get a slice of Blackforest cake. It is a sort of a gift from me to me. Call it sad, since I had to get it for myself, but I think I deserve it. I savoured every bite.

My Reward

Now I can really enjoy Saturday.

Know this: If you told someone that they were one in a million, you'd be saying there were 1,800 of them in China.

Never Thought I Would Ever Say This...

2008-10-14T23:09:00.004+08:00

I am starting to appreciate PW, not inspite of, but rather because of its soul-crushing and tiresome demands. 'You don't know what you have till it's gone'-- a saying most apt for my explanation for this sudden change of heart about PW.
As I patiently wait for the Written Report to be submitted to me by tonight, I realise this 'free time' I have is used to THINK. There is a lot to think about, for me, right now. I mean a lot. Release of results is in 2 days time, Thursday! The thought of the verdict is already eating me alive inside. Excruciating.
And then there are other things that are bothering me, where ignorance is NOT bliss. In this moment, I wish the power to read minds-- telepathy, is bestowed upon me soon. How I wish I knew certain things, and not be consumed by suspense. I do not have to drown in my own guilt, submerged in dislike of my own self. I just need to know before the line between what is real and what is not becomes obliterated. Before I become delusional, seeing things that are not really there. Although some people already think I am hallucinating (right, girls?).
See, there is so much to think about because I am not engaged in PW. PW keeps me busy. Busy for all the things I am afraid to face. Busy for reality, basically.
'You don't know what you have till it's gone'. The 'it' refers to a distraction. An escape from the things that haunt me. Every second of everyday.

Just let it go.

Know this: In space you cannot cry because there is no gravity to make the tears flow.

The Butterflies Never Lie

2008-10-10T00:19:00.000+08:00

The butterflies never lie. Hearts may race, but it could be panic. Palms may sweat, but it could be nerves. Text messages may flow in, but it could be an obligation. Speechless, but it could be because there is just nothing to say. Breathless, but you hyper-ventilate when you are afraid too.
I have no butterflies. I am not a believer. Because the butterflies never lie.

Do not bother asking. It is just not worth mentioning anymore.

Know this: Butterflies don't have lungs.

Intensive Project Work

2008-10-06T22:29:00.004+08:00

The school has officially lost it. A whole week dedicated to PW? I kid you not. Apparently, the school does not either. In a way, I am glad that the school makes an effort in setting aside time for us to work on our project, because otherwise, we will not be motivated to initiate the meetings on our own, honestly.
Personally, my group is progressive. Nothing tangible has been produced yet except for drafts after drafts of Written Report. I am trying my best to utilize the full 6 hours allocated to us, each day, as productively as possible. Today, the school invited 3 guest speakers to somehow 'inspire' us to love speaking in public. (Very) Much to my dismay, they were not as impressive as I thought they would be. I know many other people that could and would have done a much better job. One after another, they went up giving absolutely uninspiring and unengaging speeches. Should we not learn only from the best? I told you the school has officially lost it.
The school even went out of its way to hire external vendors to coach us in public speaking. So today, we also had a 3-hour session with a public speaking instructor to help us with the much dreaded Oral Presentation. It was actually quite fun and I appreciated the instructor being as humble and modest as he was.
I hope everyone else is having a 'blast' with their PW. I pray we get an 'A' for all this torture we have been put through. It was such a misconception that after the Promotional Examinations, we will be free. Nothing holding us back. Freedom. No homework but just fun. Instead another form of stress arises- my email is messed up, and the organizations I emailed to are not responding.
PW be gone! Still there? Damn.

Tell me I am not wasting my time.

Know this: Despite a population of over a billion, China has only about 200 family names.

Hari Raya 2008

2008-10-04T18:39:00.000+08:00

I had the best time on the first day of Hari Raya. I was too happy to even eat much. Before you start speculating, it was not due to one specific event, it was everything, a compilation of things that made me not even give a damn about how absolutely unco-operative my hair was on that day. It must be the euphoria manifested from not seeing my cousins and aunts/uncles for way too long. Anyway, here are the pictures.Know this: In an average day, a four year old child will ask 437 questions. (I love Nannan and he is 4 years old.)

A Quick Update

2008-10-01T22:48:00.002+08:00

I had the BEST time today. Many 'unexpected' things came my way and essentially made my day. I never smiled so wide before, for the whole entire day. I thought of posting this up before I lose this wonderful feeling. I am such a happy lady.
Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir & Batin to all. Hope your day was as glorious and exciting as mine.
Photos for today and detailed updates will be up real soon. Stay tuned.

Know this: If you shake a can of mixed nuts, the larger ones go to the top.

Post- Promotional Examination

2008-09-29T22:56:00.007+08:00

I am back! You cannot imagine how much of a relief it is for me to be able to go on to the computer and update. I am so thrilled that the Promotional Examinations are finally over. A whole week plus a day of grueling test papers. I was studying until 2-3am in the morning only having to wake up for sahur at 4.30am. Then having to get up for school later at 5.45am. I was sleep deprived, favourite-tv-shows deprived. I did go out, however, with my family for Raya preparations and to break fast. Indeed, if it was not for Ramadhan, I will be in my room studying 24/7 straight. This fasting month has given me a reason to go out, spend time with my family and friends and basically served as a reminder for me to take a breather and relax.
Through the course of my ordeal during the exams, there were ups and downs. Generally, I thought the papers were relatively easier than the Common Tests. But I wish not to speak too soon, and go all "It was damn easy, sure can pass one!" because I cannot gurantee that. It was still tough and I am praying that I do well enough to get promoted.
As I surveyed around, I notice a prevalent sense of anxiety from friends and peers who feel that they may have not done well enough to qualify for year 2. I advice that you have faith in the Almighty. At this point, there is not much that we can do. The papers are done and sent for marking. Signed, sealed, delivered! If you believe you have done your best, then everything will be all right. We shall not dwell and let our anxiety devour us. Even if we do not get promoted, maybe it is the best for us. If we are genuinely not ready for the Alevels, then we are just not ready. Just know, my fellow friends, that everything will work out for the best.
As for those who have yet to sit for your Promotional Examinations or Olevels, I wish you all the best. Times will get hard, surely. When you feel that you cannot take anymore in. And the bed beckons. And people around you rub in your face how freedom comes earlier for them. Your situation just gets 10 times harder. But you must be patient and endure. Positive thinking is an imperative, otherwise you will go crazy, seriously. Always have the end in mind. Think about all the fun that you will get to enjoy after the papers, that will keep you going. Just tell yourself this is just something you have to do right now. Take enough breaks and study as hard as you can. The worst feeling in the world would be when you fail knowing that you could have done better. But there is no more time to 'do better'. This is when you do your best. All the hard work you have put in in the year all boils down to these lousy set of papers, which will, whether you like it or not, determine whether you graduate. So do your best. This is your only shot.
Until the papers are retrieved for the highly-anticipated verdict, I will update more enlightening news. The upcoming one will of course be Hari Raya which is not long coming. The timing is indeed impeccable. I am excited. Especially since I worked my ass off for the exams, I truly feel that I deserve to rejoice.
Project Work can wait. It is time to Party.

Know this: On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

Pre-Promotional Examination

2008-09-20T17:01:00.007+08:00

I am in the midst of revising for Literature and No Fear Shakespeare requires me to access the Internet. So this hopefully justifies my brief visit to my blog.

Anyway, Promotional Examinations is this coming Monday, 2 more days to be specific. Terrified. Stressed. Nervous. Worried. Those are just a few adjectives that I can come up with at this moment to describe my feelings about the big exams. Revision is going rather slowly, but progressively. I probably am concentrating too much on one thing and my hopes in completing 5 chapters are crushed with the inevitability of only managing to wrap up 1. But with (almost) full comprehension. I should study faster, if there is even such a thing.

I understand that there are many out there who feel anxious about this whole thing. I empathize with you. We ALL do. But we have no time to stress about it now. We learn what we can as of now. Frustrations and fear will only slow us down and we tend to lose focus. So take a deep breath and study like there is no tomorrow. That is what I am planning on doing tonight even. Burning the midnight oil as they call it. Also, remember to study smart if you do not have time to study hard.

Remember to pray to the Almighty for help in time- management, focus and peace in your heart, which is probably racing like a runaway train. He will answer and guide you through. I know, rather uncanny for me to be all religious but at this point in time, when you are helpless, you have to turn the One that ultimately controls all things. God is good.

We will get through this, with prayers and hard work. Study till the very end.

We can and we will get promoted with grades of flying colours. Have faith.

And it is officially my big sister's birthday today! Congratulations for hitting the big 20, alive and healthy! You have done all of us proud with your success in teaching and all. Damn, you make it all look so freaking easy! Anyway thanks for all the chats to accompany me at night. Love you bee-yotch!

Know this: Roziana Bte Rosli was born on 20th September 1988.

Singapore Flyer on August 30th

2008-09-07T14:46:00.001+08:00

On this day, my father's workplace had a Family Carnival, where all the firemen brought their loved ones to the Singapore Flyer to have food and games. Frankly, I was pretty excited for it. Riding on the Singapore Flyer was also such a wonderful experience. The view was remarkable from up there. Afterwards, we went to BayBeats at Marina. The music was no good, I have to admit. Singaporean bands really have to brush up on their songs and performances. I am no expert, but as an avid music fan, I am disappointed in our local bands. But that is a whole other topic, all together.

To sum up, had a blast with my family, as usual.

Know this: Orcas (killer whales), when traveling in groups, breathe in unison.

Service Learning on 26th August

2008-09-03T13:12:00.003+08:00

On that special day, my classmates and I headed down to Evergreen Primary School to spend time with the under-privileged kids there. We were warned of their potential hyperness and their lack of co-operation. Still, we were not exactly prepared for what we had to face when they actually arrived to meet us.
My group in particular was exceptionally difficult to handle. They were running all over the place while some of their members were playing the games. I was rather disappointed in some for not wanting to participate in any of the games enthusiastically. I had to beg, plead and grovel so that our efforts in planning for the activties will not be in vain.

Suddenly, I had flashbacks of when I was a councillor in my secondary school and had to handle the fresh-meat kids in their orientation. It was so stressful that once I was actually in tears. Handling a group of kids by yourself can really take a toll on you. It is emotionally draining and you often feel like screaming at them. But you never should resort to that. Take a deep breath, let out a litte tear if you must, and persevere. At one point or another, they will listen to you. It just takes patience and sheer sincerity to get through to them.

Despite all the hardships, there were a few heart-warming moments with the children. There were some really adorable ones and those very co-operative who actually helped me hunt for their missing members. They even consoled two of my group members who were upset. I had two members who cried!

I must especially point out Syafiq, this potentially good-looking boy, who actually thanked me and my friends for coming down. He was also the most co-operative one there. A simple gesture of gratitude and I knew that my experience there was worthwhile because it had impacted at least one of them.

Overall, it was a great experience for me. And I am not just saying that. It was such an eye-opening experience working with kids with a unique background, an opportunity that I have never before been given. And I am grateful that I am now equipped with a sense of understanding and empathy for these children, who often give you a hard time, in public or wherever.

So when a kid is misbehaving right in front of you, just think "He must come from a broken family." That will refrain you from picking up the nearest steel chair and hitting him incessantly with it.

Hope your service learning was as fruitful.

Here are the captured memories... Enjoy!

Syafiq (Told you he was a cutie!)

And yes... Selamat Berpuasa to all Muslims.

Know this: 44% of kids watch television before they go to sleep.

Blood Donation Drive on the 13th

2008-08-25T20:23:00.002+08:00

On the 13th of August, was unquestionably a significant day for me, considering how I am obsessed with this auspicious number. I decided to donate blood! It was an exciting and memorable experience indeed. Truly worthwhile and no regrets. Although this happened a few weeks ago, I still have the experience etched in my mind, as I recall it vividly.

I would consider myself to be rather curious, or annoying (whichever, potato-potata), patient. I posed a lot of questions to the nurse. She was so sweet and nice enough to answer everyone of my queries. I was blessed that she was my nurse and made the whole experience an exhilirating and yet an informative one.

Frankly, I was rather apprehensive at first, and even more so when Farina could not do it with me. But along the way-- the doctor check-ups and the finger-pricking (which was more painful that the needles!), Naveen and this teacher accompanied me through it. So did my gal pals. When the first needle pierced through my skin, strangely, I felt nothing. This first needle was filled with pain-killer fluid. A common misconception I must correct, a pain-killer simply removes the pain but you are still able to FEEL. I felt the second, bigger needle pierce through then blood gushed out into the tube.A bag filled with my blood and a pink bandage for my wound and I was officially a blood donor!

However, I nearly fainted in the canteen after attending Econs lecture. Amalina said I turned pale and all. I was in the midst of queueing for food when everything just blacked out and I felt nauseous. Luckily, our seat was not far from the stall. I used every ounce of my energy and strength to walk towards our table to lay my head and rest. I guess I was walking around too much, and forgot that I had lost blood. Drank some milo, ate some food and a short rest with my head on the table, I lived to tell the tale. I was careless, but now I know-- 10% is a lot of blood!

I am certain that this will not be my last blood donation. I sincerely recommend it. It is for a good cause. They even gave us a pen with the saying 'I am a lifesaver' on it. If you are ever thinking of changing the world, or being a hero of some sort, this would be a great start.

I don't have to stick on this sticker anymore, the next time I donate.

Know this: The word “listen” contains the same letters as the word “silent”.

My Confession

2008-08-20T18:39:00.002+08:00

I am ashamed that looks matter to me as much as they do. I cannot seem to get pass one's appearance and judge them based solely on who they truly are, inside. I acknowledge their admirable characters, but I can be rather bothered with that 10% of imperfection.
It is easy to frown upon those who blatantly showcase their hatred and utter disgust towards people who do not necessarily meet the universal standards of beauty. It is almost cliche to say that true beauty lies within. More often than not, these are plainly words we speak of so that people will not judge us for our superficiality. In reality, unfortunately, we never really practice this morally proper conduct, do we? We find it challenging and at times impossible. Let us all admit for once that at one point or another, we judge people on the way they look. And it is a shame. How is it that despite knowing that what we do is wrong, we keep judging anyway? It does not even make me feel good or better about myself. It is almost inherent.
So this is my confession- I am a shallow person. And I am sorry. I realise that I too have physical flaws and it is time for a change. I never really understood how the privileged few are able to overlook one's physical appearance. I applaud them. But to those who just claim that looks do not matter and yet judge, I plead that you confess your sins. I believe that there is not a particular module or technique that can guide us out of this embarrassing behaviour. The transition has to be natural. It must not be a conscious effort, for to ignore is not the same as to not notice.To say that one is ugly but you do not care is not the same as to praise someone for their deeds and characters, with no reference at all to the physique for it must not occur to you to an extent where it is even worth mentioning.
We have to change before we miss out on the good things that pass us by. The good in people are not in their appearance. And good looks do not equate a good heart either.
I hope that we will be able to see other people in a new and better light, especially to those who deserve it. With this new-found clarity that of a crystal, we might find what we have always been looking for.

I thought it would be significant to post on this unique and special day- 20082008.

Know this: The colour blue has a calming effect. It causes the brain to release calming hormones.

My Motivation

2008-08-17T23:27:00.001+08:00

A simple request and Daddy got it for me. Daddy is too generous. It was crazy. I feel spoilt. Now, I own a camera worth $249. Somehow, I do not feel that I deserve it. So I shall use it as a source of motivation to excel in my studies. Thank you, Ayah! My good grades will be for you.

Cassio Exilim- Z9

Know this: The Great Pyramids used to be as white as snow because they were encased in a bright limestone that has worn off over the years.

Where the Grass is Always Greener

2008-08-16T17:45:00.000+08:00

Last weekend, my extended family and I had a gathering to celebrate my cousin's birthday at Sentosa. I had so much fun. I especially love my little cousin Hannan aka Nannan. How I wish he would never ever grow up. That cutest damn little thing. At that point in time I really needed a good dose of them. School had really taken a toll on me. (It still is.) Spending time with them always make my own problems go away.

Here are some pictures of that special special day!

There are so many more things I have and want to update about- the SAJC Open House and the Blood Donation drive! So until next time.

By the way, went to catch Meet Dave with my familty yesterday. It was worth it!

Know this: Every year, the moon moves 1/2 an inch further from the earth.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

2008-08-11T13:22:00.004+08:00

After the National Day celebration in my school, I met up with 3 of my secondary school friends. It has been a long time since I have last met them, hence the overwhelming feeling of excitement! We went to Orchard, Esplanade and Marina-- and at all these places, we gossiped, laughed and updated each other on what exactly has been going on in our lives. I had such a blast. So, until our next anticipated outing together, let us gather more 'drama' to bitch about. Enough said, here are the pictures.

Siti

Nurul

Aqila

Know this: An average person laughs about 15 times a day. (But, I'm pretty sure my girls and I laughed more than that during our outing.)

Racial Harmony 2008

2008-08-09T15:51:00.002+08:00

Goodness gracious! Racial Harmonay Day was almost a bi-gee-lion years ago! Nevertheless, I have decided to post about it. Better late than never. Not many people got dressed for the occassion, unfortunately. But it was fun nonetheless.

Side-tracking a little. I had a blast with my friends yesterday. We did a lot of catching up and up-dating. I had an insight of the many things that are going through in their lives and a better perspective of the things that are going through mine. Thank you girls for the great advice. It was fun, as it has always been between us. I really hope we can do it more often. Taking a stroll down memory lane is always exciting. Love you girls. Until I get the pictures from dear Nurul, I will post these Racial Harmony Day pictures.

And yes... HAPPY NATIONAL DAY TO ALL AND TO SINGAPORE, HAPPY 43RD!

Know this: A giraffe is able to clean its ears with its own tongue.

Rapture 2008

2008-08-07T18:24:00.007+08:00

A night out with the girls at the Esplanade to witness a dance society production- Rapture, on the 30th of July, was nothing but fun! I had a blast. The songs were great, the dancers were great, the performances were great, the atmosphere was fan-tas-tic! Plus, we could see everyone dress-up for this event. As for the guest appearances such as the Team SAJC rugby boys, they absolutely blew my mind! I was very impressed by their precision in their moves and their groove, essentially. Gotta hand it to them, the boys can dance. Kuddos ruggers! The opening act was my favourite performance of the whole night, hands down. Not forgetting the primary school kids who performed too. They were adorable and yet talented! Well done to the Republic Polytechnic B-Boys. I enjoyed the break-dancing (and eye-feasting) very much. Indeed, Rapture was worthwhile and a night to remember, significant to my JC life.

Congratulations to the Dance Society for organising one hell of a dance concert! Super proud of you guys.

For the benefit of those who were not able to attend Rapture, here is a video for you. Enjoy...

"Baby I ain't even know you could break it down like that, that, that..." -Shawty Get Loose

Sends chills down your spine, doesn't it?

Know this: The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

T.M.I.

2008-08-04T19:04:00.004+08:00

Firstly, I would like to extend my greatest apologies for not updating these past few.. weeks? I have been really busy with school. Now that I have some free time, I will post so that your gracious visit will not be in vain.
There is so much to update about, from the Racial Harmony day, to Rapture and to the Open House. And many other things that happened in between. As for studies, I am trying very hard to grapple with all the assignments and manage my time for personal studying. Like everybody else, I am stressed. I know that I have to pull my socks up for the Promotional Examinations, and that I will.
However, I am unable to update about every single event in my life today. Not until the end of the week, in fact. Squeezing everything today will be too much information, anyway.
I plead for your patience and understanding.

You make me smile.

Know this: China has more English speakers than the United States.

Urticaria

2008-07-24T17:25:00.000+08:00

Urticaria is more commonly known as Hives. I have experienced it twice in my life, and it is still 2 times too many. Hives are raised, itchy areas around the skin which are usually a sign of allergic reaction.
The first experience was one of the worst experiences of my entire life. I have never had an allergic reaction before, and the first time I encountered it, I was shocked beyond words. It spread to my calves, my thighs, my arms, my neck and even my face. I went to the doctor and he gave me effective pills. I was fine the very night I took the pills after a long nap. Recently, I experienced it again, after attending a Mendaki Seminar. It must have been the food served in the hotel that I was allergic to. I am still having blemishes on my legs. So I skipped track training twice this week, for fear that my reaction will inflame again to unsightly conditions. To make matters worse, I have having a very sore throat. Even my neck is sore.
Still, I feel guilty having to skip so many trainings. It is so contradictory that I want to do my best in this CCA and yet I am absent in most of the trainings. I was never this irresponsible in secondary school. By any means, I will get my ass to Netball training. What is happening to me? Who is this I am becoming? The number of times I have been absent from track training exceeds the number of time I missed Netball training my whole entire 4 years of secondary school. I am ashamed of myself. I want to apologise so many times but to whom, I am unsure. I tell myself I will not skip anymore trainings, but I end up missing a couple more the following week.Then I convince myself that my reasons were valid, be it that my class was down to support the other CCAs at their matches, or I had to study for Common Tests or I have a shin splint or that I am having Hives. Ultimately, when I reach home and watch the clock strike 5pm, I feel utmost guilt for not being there with the rest of my track members. I feel that I have disappointed the coach, who has been nothing but nice to me.
I believe that if you have done nothing wrong, there is no guilt. And yet I feel guilty every single time I am not down on the track at 5pm. Frankly, physical pain on the track during training is far less torturous then this guilt I am undeniably feeling.

This would be the perfect time to just die.

Know this: Foods that can cause urticaria include-
Nuts
Eggs
Fresh fruits (especially citrus)
Chocolates
Fish and shellfish
Tomatoes
Milk and cheese
Spices
Yeasts

Everything Is As It Should Be

2008-07-21T22:46:00.003+08:00

If seeing is believing, then I am a believer. This was all I have ever wanted. So why did You not show it to me sooner? Fortunately, I can get over this. But what if it was too late? Well that will be a big 'if'. Too big for me to think about. I was like a helpless dog behind the glass watching them pass, wondering why they did not take me home with them. Of course, this is a bad analogy and does not really make any sense. But I really did feel helpless.
I thought long and hard as to why I am not as affected about the situation as I thought I would be. Although I know that this is not how I wanted it to be, I accept it, because I never expect to get everything that I wanted, especially when I know I have not put in any effort to achieve it in the first place. Everything is as it should be. Besides, how can something get broken when it wasn't even there to begin with. I just wish things were simpler for me. I can get over this. Someday.

But I really cannot imagine when.

This song was stuck with me for a while today.

"We can go anywhere, go anywhere..."

Know this: A leech has 32 brains.

A Little Time Off

2008-07-16T23:12:00.000+08:00

Nothing is due urgently tomorrow. So, I have some time to kill. Tomorrow is my A level Mother Tongue listening comprehension. Frankly, I am not really that anxious about it. Maybe towards the last half and hour before the paper. But not right now-- not too soon.
Received all my Common Test results recently. Not too well, I must admit. Let's just say if these results were to be my final year grade, I will be spending an additional year in SAJC. Yes-- that bad! But I decided to take it in my stride and learn from my mistakes. Trust me, the things mentioned during the post-mortem of all the papers could have been much more useful BEFORE the common tests. There were so much vital information that were not taught during our practice papers. But I should not be making excuses. If others were able to do tremendously well, it should not be impossible for me to achieve the same. I will swallow my pride and admit that I screwed up. I live and I learn. Better to mess up now that during the Promotional Examinations, if you ask me. I will work much much harder for that very crucial examination.
Things are improving so much in school. From my CCA to my friends. I am happier now. Life is bringing me bliss. Except the damn results, actually. Putting a damper on things. Other than that, the world is wonderful again, from the skies down to seas. I hope you feel the same way too.

That simple moment made me fall for you all over again.

Know this: The dot that appears over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

Keeping You Guessing...

2008-07-14T00:23:00.000+08:00

I thought long and hard. I went through it over and over again in my head. I am more careful and observant now. I like what I notice and I am pleased with what I am able to infer from those observations. Of course, these are just observations. Many assumptions I have yet to consider. But for now, I take things at face value. What I see, is what I get.

I would not say that I will not be disappointed if my guesses were wrong. I will be a tad bit affected. But surely I will be fine in a while.

Dear readers, my posts may get a little bit vague. I am not dropping any hints. And I beg that you do not jump into any (ridiculous) conclusions. Keep guessing.

I know you know that I know. And you know that I know that you know. But let us all let it pass.

Alexander Pushkin

I Loved You

I loved you; even now I may confess,

Some embers of my love their fire retain;

But do not let it cause you more distress,

I do not want to sadden you again.

Hopeless and tonguetied, yet I loved you dearly

With pangs the jealous and the timid know;

So tenderly I loved you, so sincerely,

I pray God grant another love you so.

It is officially my mother's birthday today. Although we bud heads sometimes, at the end of the day, you always let me win. 'You deserve better, I can be better and I will be better,' taken from the Hancock movie we watched together recently. But it applies. I love you Marky!

Know this: Two out of five people end up marrying their first love.

College Day 2008

2008-07-08T16:19:00.000+08:00

On the 4th of July, SAJC had College Day. I had fun buying things, eating them and people-watch. My girls and I headed to Vivo City after that to kill time. We had plans respectively in the afternoon, so we decided to talk and take pictures meanwhile. I had a blast. Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.

Fezra on Saint's Idol

Shane can sing!

Sinful delights!

Amalina and I

Farina and I

Sakinah the MC!

Because we are just cool like that.

What could possibly be on her mind? Sinister smile.

It cannot get any more candid than this...
Sometimes I think Ms Soh is a real angel. Sneaky Alicia!

A rose for a Ros. And marshmallows for Farina!

At Vivo City

Minah pose to the max.! But I can't help myself.

My rose died not too long ago. It was beautiful while it lasted.

Know this: A language becomes extinct in this world every two weeks.

You Are Not Worth It.

2008-07-07T00:04:00.004+08:00

I changed my blog title again. Goodness, what is wrong with me? A sudden lapse of fickle-mindedness I suppose. I cannot promise this will be the last time. I hate to break a promise.
Speaking of promises, I promised a good friend to be subtle about this particular post. I cannot mention names for I know the consequences will be bitter.
Something unfortunate happened recently. Actually, a bunch of unfortunate things happened recently. To think that things would not get worse, I was informed of the worst on a particular day.
I wish not for any of the worst-case-scenarios that will result because of what has been done to ever occur in my presence, or behind my back, for that matter. If they do, it will be on you. I do not demand for an explanation but one would be nice. An apology would be good. Assurance that it will never happen again would be a blessing.
What was done, was done, and can never be undone. I forgive you if you are repentant but my soul is one that forgives but never forgets. People are flawed and that I accept. But when you repeatedly hurt someone and be completely oblivious about it, I begin to question the underlying intentions behind everything that you do and who you really are. I never asked for perfection from anyone. I simply suggest that you at least attempt to be a good person. You have failed me, yet again.
In that very moment, you were the most heartless person I know.
I never wanted to make a big deal out of small faults. However, they have accumulated to an extent that I can no longer dust it off my shoulders. I do not wish to be hateful but you have given me every reason to be as such.
I realise it is bias to only post about the good times in my life. No life is so wonderful. So life for me sometimes are not so sweet. I have my ups and downs. But I believe that there is no satisfaction without pain, and no happiness without suffering. When things do turn sour for you and all you want to do is curl up and die, think again. I will not worry my life away. It is not worth it. You are not worth it.

Know this: Apples are part of the rose family.

Writings of Life

2008-07-03T00:00:00.003+08:00

I changed my blog title yet again, to something more neutral, not revealing too much. I realised that when I changed it the last time round, it was on the basis of spontaneity, a spur of the moment. Hence, irrational. Now that my mind has cleared and I am thinking straight, I am more confident of this one. Indecisiveness, be gone.

Anyway, I am kind of in a pickle right now. I am confused. Only my family understands my current unsettling plight. Everything seems to be pointing to a particular direction. A direction that leads to unthinkable consequences. Do not worry, friends, I am not remotely as stress about this situation as I may lay it out to be. Do not question nor try to sympathize, for it could all be wistful thinking.

My teenage woes are getting more interesting, though at times it may be hard to grapple. We live and we learn. I am glad some things are hard to get. Easiness often deprive us of having some fun.

Do not settle for less. But is he really 'less'?

Know this: The greatest revenge of all is living well.

Every Morning

2008-07-02T21:54:00.006+08:00

Every morning, at 6.40am I make my way to the bus-stop. I'll wait for the bus for about 3 minutes. Every morning, the pretty model-esque lady will wait with me. She has a tattoo of a flower on her right ankle and another tattoo of stars on her left foot. I noticed them because I thought they were rather tasteful. She bathes every morning as it is evident with her wet and shampooed- smelling her. Once, she sheltered me into the bus when it was raining heavily. Although I had brought an umbrella on that particular day, I packed it away knowing that a few seconds in the rain as I board the bus will not kill. But she insisted that I take her offer. So I did and thanked her graciously. Every morning, I look forward to her out-fit. She has great fashion style and a good figure. When the bus sends us to the bus interchange, she will walk ahead of me towards the MRT station. She glances at her reflection at the store windows. So do I, at my own reflection. We never spoke. But I know I will be concerned if I do not see her at the bus-stop, one day.
Every morning, at 6.40am, a boy from another JC makes his way to the bus-stop too. Make no mistake, he is not my type. Once, he injured his foot so he put on sandals for about a week. Together, we will wait for the bus to arrive. Most of the time, after alighting I walk ahead of him. So I am not sure where he goes after alighting the bus. He looks friendly. I too will ponder if he disappears one fateful morning.

Every morning at 6.40am, I wait patiently for the traffic at the primary school carpark to clear. The security guards/ traffic police will give me a signal, gesturing that I can cross. They are rather old. One time, one of the two guards whispered "Hurry, or you will miss the bus." I was intently listening to my MP3, as so he thought. I could tell he did not expect me to hear it. It was more like a silent prayer, hoping that I will make it in time for the bus. I glanced over, and he missed my eye-contact. I walked on like it never happened. Secretly, I thanked him for being so concerned. I missed that bus. But another one came not long after. I hope he felt relieved.

One time, a bus arrived at the bus-stop before I did. Confident that I will not make it, I strolled to the bus-stop. Suddenly, I realised that the bus was not moving. No one was alighting, neither was there anyone boarding it. It took me a while before I realised that that kind bus driver was waiting for me. I have seen him before so he must be aware of my schedule. I smiled and thanked him politely. He reciprocated with a nod and a smile. What a kind man, I thought.

My routine every morning causes me to formulate these subtle attachments to the people I see every single day. Unknowingly, they are my friends. We do not text each other to meet at the bus-stop. It is instinctive. They become a part of my morning. I hope I am a part of theirs too. I will see them again tomorrow, and the next day. I will see them every morning.

Know this: Spiders usually have eight eyes, but still they cannot see that well.

When I Grow Up

2008-06-29T15:40:00.008+08:00

If you have been observant enough, you would have noticed a couple of changes I have made to my blog. I just thought that I should make some modification to it. But I could not part with my blogskin because it is too pretty. So I made a minor change only.
The change was inspired by Pussycat Dolls' "When I Grow Up", which I currently am having an intense obsession with. The concept of the song is so original and yet relatable to many, those who aspire for stardom. Finally, a song that does not deal with break-ups and make-ups or love at all. I recommend that you readers check out the song if you have not. Read the lyrics as well and reminisce about your childhood dreams, if it had anything to do with wanting to be famous.
I shall digress. I see the need to write down your resolution on black and white and let the world see it. This is so as to pressure you to live up to your resolution or face judgement by others. So I hereby declare that I will be going on a diet. Nothing severe, just a no-snacks-in-between-meals diet. Do not ask me why, it is just a personal challenge. Certainly, I may not be able to get through with it without some help. So the next time I reach out for a Booster or Mars Bar, yell "Nooooooooooooo!". Wish me luck!

'I see them staring at me

Oh I'm a trendsetter

Yes this is true 'cause what I do, no one can do it better

You can talk about me

'Cause I'm a hot topic

I see you watching me, watching me, and I know you want it'

~ "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls

Know this: 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Plenty on the Horizon

2008-06-28T15:47:00.003+08:00

As you probably would have noticed, the trauma from the CTs has made miss blogging so much. So before I hit the books again, to complete some unfinished holiday assignments, I shall blog my ass of.
I remember telling myself during the ordeal, to just do it and at the end of the day, it will all be worth it. I hate it when there is nothing to look forward to after such hardship. I will have no motivation whatsoever to help me get through with it.
So as I take my short 2-minute breaks in between my revision, I think of all the things that are on the horizon. Firstly, SAJC College Day is coming up some time next month. A day away from the school curriculum is always a blessing, trust me. On College Day there will be food and games. Plenty to look forward to, if you ask me! Then on the 4th, there'll be my Pre-University Seminar outing with my SG 10. We'll be going for this concert at Hwa Chong. I cannot wait to see everybody again and to watch the concert. On the 5th, there will be this malay thing at Tampines JC. A day out with my girls always turn out to be a ball of fun. And of course, there will be Rapture, an SAJC Dance Society Production, at the Esplanade! I cannot wait to go shopping for the outfit for the big day. It will be at the end of the July and I am uber excited for it.

I will post up pictures for each of the events above for you, my very much appreciated readers. For now, I shall post up some over- due pictures. These were taken during the Malay Cultural Society "bonding session" umpteen years ago. I thought it would be rather lame and pathetic at first, but it turned out to be a lot of fun, and my team came in 2nd place for the competition. I got reacquainted with my malay culture that day. Which reminds me, my malay Alevel oral is this upcoming Monday. We are going right after the RJC students. Imagine how high the bar will be set and how much I, the average, will have to live up to. Frankly, I am breaking a sweat of panic. Nevertheless, I shall try my very damn best. Wish me luck!

Photos courtesy of Farhana, the senior in black. A fun day courtesy of the MCS seniors and Cikgu Zahrina.

Know this: Next to man, the porpoise is the most intelligent creature on earth.

Porpoise

Like the Whole World is Lifted Off My Shoulders Now

2008-06-28T04:49:00.001+08:00

The grueling days are over. My chains of torture have been unlocked and now I face freedom. I do not have to experience the ruthless ordeal anymore. I can watch television now!
Common Tests are over baby! I am glad. No more burning the midnight oil, missing countless number of favourite television shows and sleep deprivation. I am happy.
But of course, this joy is but temporary because, not long after it will be the Promotional Examinations. I will have an earlier revision period for that, since now I know, cramming information in the 11th hour is too nerve-wrecking that your anxiety overwhelms your ability to hold the information in your head. Constant glances to the clock, 2:12am, 2:46am and than 3:17am? And your body just goes, 'I think it's time to sleep'. I want to have head-starts so at least my body will have ample rest for the paper the next day.
The collection of the results is a whole different story of course. I just hope I do not fail too many subjects. See, I did not even wish for me to pass everything, although it is tacit. I pray for good grades every night after finishing my revision and before going to sleep. But the fact is, JC life is so hard that a sub-pass is extolled. Grades bearing range from 45- 50 is already considered a pass, an E grade. Not that the standards are too low, but JC corriculum is just too damn hard. And it is indubious that I am not alone in this. But Allah will never give us something that we cannot handle. So let this CTs be a slap in the face and let us all work harder for the ultimate A levels.
Wow, a lot has happened since I last updated. I just do not know where to start. Hence, I will not share what happened lest I miss a significant portion of my holiday that I may not be able to recall as of now. So as far as you are concerned, I am still alive and kicking, I am still blogging and I am ecstatic because the Common Tests are over.
So cheer up and have a good 1-minute laugh at this super hilarious and adorable video. And remember 'Blood [buhlud] is not funny.'

Know this: The smile is the most frequently used facial expression. A smile can use anywhere from a pair of 5 to 53 facial muscles.

Do Me A Favour

2008-06-13T16:39:00.000+08:00

Please review my post on 'Track and Field Camp'. I made some major mistakes previously. Awfully careless of me to forget certain things, especially something as basic as my manners.

People often forget the extent of how public this blogging thing can be, and how it can have an impact on those reading it. To us bloggers, these are just merely words we post. We tend to forget that these very words, no matter how private or explicit we want them to be, get published for the world to see. Until one day, it ends up in the eyes of the person you blog about. Then, it gets personal. Luckily for technology, it allows you to take back the things you do not mean, with simple actions such as highlighting and clicking on 'delete'. On top of that, you get to redeem yourself by publishing another post, very much like this one, which acknowledges your utmost regret of writing such bitter things about someone who is just trying to do his job. So never forget to take responsibility of your actions and modify that post.

Then again, things can always be made right with a simple e-mailing of a letter. How convenient!

Sorry again, Captain.

Know this: A blue whales heart only beats nine times per minute.

CT (Crunch Time aka Common Tests)

2008-06-11T12:44:00.000+08:00

Common tests are on the first week of the school re-opening. I am very anxious and scared. I do not think I have time to complete my revision. Even if I do, it might not be very substantial or enough for me to sit for the papers feeling prepared.
Looking at my Continual Assessment results, they are not really grades that I should be proud of. Therefore, I have to do well for my CTs to cover up those bad grades. I need more time. I know, it is so contradictory that I say there is not enough time to study, when I take time to post about this. I just feel so frustrated that I feel the need to pen this down. Also, I hope this serves as a reminder to those who may be feeling the same way, that you are not alone. I am scared too.
Other than studying for the tests, we also have the Project Work to worry about. The Written Report is due soon and my group has not even consolidated our research. We have not done a single interview, any surveys but the questions are all prepared. Well, most of them are at least. I have to vet them and send them out to Ms Soh for her vetting. So many things to do, so little time. I was just thinking, this would be the perfect time to die. Before you contact the police, I assure you this is not my suicide note. I am just very overwhelmed with everything.
I still want to catch up with my secondary friends, whom I miss all so dearly. I want to go out with my family and shop. I want to go out with my JC friends and gossip. I just do not get it. Where did time fly to? And where was I when time took its flight?
All I know is, time is merciless-- it waits for no one. This is it, us against time. But we have to do it. It will be quality over quantity. Use the time you have wisely and productively. Remember to take breaks, also.
I am waking up at 9am in the morning tomorrow to have a head start in my revision. This is it. It's crunch time.

Know this: Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time. (How I wished I could multi-task like him. I could save so much time.)

Track and Field Camp

2008-06-08T13:26:00.000+08:00

Last Monday, right after my CIP, I had to pack for my Track camp. I was exhausted by then of course, considering I have been on the move since the Pre- University camp. My bed and I only slept together once before I had to head for the CCA camp in school.
Honestly, I was not looking forward to it. But I am glad that through the camp, I got to know my fellow track members better, especially the distance- runners. You see, the sprinters, throwers and distance do not train together. So I barely recognize half of them, let alone know their names! Strangely, most of them knew me. Well, cannot blame them since I am fabulous. Kidding! I am the only malay in the team and one of the very very few sprinter girls. That's right. I am little Miss Po-pu-lar! Kidding, again!
We played several interesting games, such as the Treasure Hunt. Jason, one of my fellow sprinter senior is so hilarious. He kept chasing Mun Kidd. Funny, funny boy! I was really glad he was in my team. He kept the whole activity entertaining. And Roy is funny in a subtle way. Somehow, he was the most competitive in our team. He really wanted to win each and everyone of the games. Told you he was funny. He also could not remember the school song. Considering that he was a senior, it was pretty hilarious. In one activity, we had to complete the first verse of the school song, each member of the group singing only one word at a time. So it went, "Lives" "are" "in" "the" "making" "here" "Hearts" "are" "in" "the" "waking" "here" "Mighty" "undertaking" and Roy went "go". I cracked up so hard. It did not rhyme, Roy. Even if you do not know the words to the song, you can still rhyme, can't you? He is such a funny guy. Caring too. He cheered me on during Zhi Hao's "special" training.
Zhi Hao's interval training was indeed special. I learnt a lot, such as peserverance, endurance, teamwork and more importantly, minding my manners.
Oddly, we had plenty of time to rest during our camp. We had about 2 hours of free time after our lunch. The breaks were meant for the seniors to mug for their upcoming Block Tests. You should have seen them, with their notes, at 1 in the morning. I admire them so much. It made me feel bad too since I was not doing any revision.
Day 3 was just breakfast, area cleaning and home. I was glad it ended quick. I really wanted my bed, my home and my family.
During the camp, Ms Tan announced the main team. My name was not called, sadly. But it is okay. I am okay. I know I am not ready anyway. I have not even gotten my spikes! Better luck next year, I hope. To those who did make it, such as Shawn, Ying Lun, Monique and Weng, the best of luck. Do wear that Team SAJC shirt with pride. You guys really do deserve them.
For now, I really hope my shins get better soon. So that I can train and reach my potential. Ms Tan did say that many of the seniors had to go through a lot of shin splints before they can be where they are today. I guess, these are all parts and parcels to being the best runner I can be. I will have to peservere on. I can do this! Ice my shins every night and I am good to go. Wish me luck! Let's go. Up and on!

Know this: A primary culprit causing shin splints is a sudden increase in distance or intensity of a workout schedule.